Jul 26 '10 Almost My Ex-The Worth Of Saving A Relationship

0 COMMENT   

Going through struggles in a relationship is not new.  Every relationship goes through these little periods of tough times.  After you have fought so much and argued about little things, sometimes petty, you may be asking if saving a relationship like the one you have is worth it.  Perhaps, if you are married, you have already gone to marriage counseling.  If you are just boyfriend and girlfriend maybe you already tried couples counseling. Next thing you know you did this work to have a better relationship but the squabbles and fights came right back.  The intimacy problems have returned.  Maybe in your dating life you asked around for dating tips and tried some suggestions only to find the troubles didn’t go away.

There are a few things to think about to see if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth the trouble and work.  Even while the struggles continue, if you are thinking about separating or even getting a divorce, you need to take a step back and look at things even more seriously, possibly also getting more professional relationship advice.  It takes a lot of work to save a relationship but it is worth it most of the time.  Although it can be really frustrating if the relationship love is not really there.

A good relationship with someone is one where the two people enjoy being with each other alone and are content with just that person being with them.  Try writing a list of the people you enjoy being with and see if your partner is on it?  Do you still go out and have fun with your partner on occasion?  Can you see yourself enjoying time alone with them most of the time?

Spend some time to evaluate what you find important in a relationship to see if the relationship is worth saving.  In a good relationship both partners usually feel they are understood by the other person.  Do you listen to your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, or do you routinely barely hear what they say?  On the other hand does your partner seem like they are listening to you.

Is your relationship one that makes you feel comfort when you have gone through something stressful?  A relationship is supposed to be a place where you can go when you need comforted. If you seem to be looking elsewhere for comfort then you may have a problem, or be causing a problem. You should not be looking to find comfort ABOUT the relationship but be finding comfort IN the relationship.  Relationships like that are worth saving.

Maybe there were some infidelity problems in your relationship.  Not necessarily a full blown affair but the notion that your spouse or partner seriously flirts too much.  These problems need to be addressed.  Both you and your partner have to be able to trust each other if the relationship is going to be worth saving.  If you can’t resolve a problem like this together than you may want to seek marriage or couples counseling.

In saving a relationship you need to ask hard questions and go through hard answers.  There are many things to consider and splitting up should not be taken lightly.  Soon you will be able to discover if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth it.

Jul 21 '10 Is Your Relationship Worth Saving? Steps on How to Save a Relationship

0 COMMENT   

John works all the time and Marsha does not feel that he is around the family often enough. Marsha spends most of her time taking care of the children and John feels that she does not spend enough time with him. Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here is how to save a relationship.

First, you must make a decision of whether or not the relationship is worth saving. While just about any relationship can be salvaged through hard work, both parties must make an effort. If one of the two parties is unwilling to try to restore the relationship, then there is not a lot the other party can do.

A lot of people remain in a relationship out of convenience or stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. While the needs of the children should be of the utmost importance, that is often not enough. How to save a relationship begins with both parties making a strong commitment to saving it.

Next, you need to accurately diagnose the real problem or problems in the relationship. One major challenge with how to save a relationship is that many people think the symptoms of the problem are actually the problem itself.

For example, a common misconception by a lot of people is that an affair is actually a problem that leads to break ups. The truth is that an affair is a symptom of a much deeper problem.

An example of this is if a couple doesn’t share any true intimacy, one of the partners may seek it somewhere else. Unless the problem of the lack of intimacy is dealt with, the symptoms are likely to reappear again.

Now, maybe the spouse will be guilted into not having another affair, but they may seek to fill that need in another way, like pornography. When you address the core issues that are causing the symptoms to occur, how to save a relationship becomes much easier.

After you have diagnosed the core issues, you can begin to share your thoughts and feelings. By this I mean both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to the concerns of your partner.

Hold their hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you strongly desire to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner discusses things that have wounded you, remember that he/she is only doing it to try to restore the relationship.

After you have identified in detail the core issues that are causing the relationship to crumble, create a plan of action together to address and resolve these issues. Then, take immediate action on your plan.

If not spending enough time together is the issue, plan a night every week to go out together on a date. Come up with different creative things to do on these dates and make them memorable.

If lack of communication is the issue, make a commitment to spend a half hour together every night before bed just talking to each other. Then make sure to FOLLOW THROUGH with these commitments.

Finally, understand that how to save a relationship is a work in progress. Even the best relationships that last many decades have their challenges. Be slow to become angry and quick to forgive and you’ll have a much better shot at long-term success.

These are the general steps on how to save a relationship. If your relationship is worth saving, put these steps to action today and your relationship will be on the road to recovery.