Are you going through a rocky phase in your relationship? Can you actually see your partner saying the inevitable words “It’s over” but you rather want to try and work things out?
Relationships are not a piece of cake, and both parties need to work hard to maintain a healthy relationship. And every relationship goes through a rocky patch, that’s a fact. Every couple goes through that phase. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that if you’re having problems with your relationship that you will break up in the end.
There are a lot of ways to restore your relationship to the way it was on your first few months as a couple. Here are some of the best ways to restore your relationship.
1. Do not ignore your problems; you need to talk through it. Never, ever ignore the problems you are having in your relationship. One of the best ways to restore your relationship is for the both of you to sit down and talk about your problems and find the best ways to solve it. It will not solve itself. In fact, if you ignore it, instead of solving it, your problem will only get worse and will be harder to fix.
2. Understand and forgive each other’s shortcomings. Each and every one of us has their own faults and shortcomings and it will not be best to blame one another for it. The key into a healthy relationship is understanding each other. If your partner is very understanding, do your share and do not abuse this trait.
3. Focus on what is good in your relationship. Looking only at the bad aspects in your relationship is not the best ways to restore your relationship. Focusing on what’s going wrong in your relationship will only make you see all the negative things in it and will not produce any healthy outcome. Reminisce the good times you’ve had and make each other remember how much fun you two have when you’re together. Focusing on the good times and the reason why you love each other will reaffirm you both why you decided to start this relationship.
4. Take the initiative to change. Relationship is a two-way street; both of you will need to exert effort to make it work. If one of the best ways to restore your relationship will entail some change, be it with any aspect of your life, take that initiative to change. Do not wait for your partner to change first and do the necessary actions you need to do to save your relationship.
5. Always stay positive and avoid picking fights with your partner. The last thing you want is to have another fight. Extend your patience and stay positive. Picking up fights with your partner will only send your relationship downhill.
6. Learn to say “I’m sorry.” If you know that you were the one at fault, say you’re sorry the very first chance that you have. Admitting your mistakes is one of the simplest and best ways to restore your relationship and your trust with one another.
Even in the healthiest of relationships, opportunities abound to find fault, criticize or “tweak” the other person no matter whether we are talking about a mate, a child or a friend. Most of us were raised in an environment where rather than focusing on the positive, we were taught to zoom in and dwell on the negative. Breaking that habitual way of thinking is a matter of conditioning our minds to refocus and learn to love with abandon, without any requirements, without any rules and without any limitations.
Here is our list of top ten ways to condition yourself to love unconditionally:
10. Develop Amnesia
Forgive and forget-knock the first three letters off of both of these words and what you have is “give” and “get.” When you give forgiveness, you get so much more in return. You no longer have the burden of carrying around, remembering and reliving the ways you have been wronged, hurt, or upset. You free up your mind and your heart to receive.
The forget part of this equation does not mean that you erase the event or circumstance that caused you pain, just that you release it, and minimize it in your mind to the point that you do not dwell on it or use it as artillery every time an argument or disagreement comes up. Please note that we are not talking about abusive relationships here. Physical and emotional safety are your unconditional right, and not an option in any type of interpersonal relationship or affiliation.
9. Don’t Pick Fights; Pick Your Battles
Whether you know it or not, everyone has their own personal credo that spells out what is and what is not acceptable to them. When someone crosses that line of what is tolerable to you, it is certainly worth a discussion or two to communicate those boundaries to insure that they are not breached again. But is anything less than a hands-down, unacceptable violation of your personal credo worth arguing about? If harmony and unconditional love are your goals, the answer is “no.”
If you don’t know what your personal credo is, maybe it would be a good idea to define it for yourself. What are your fundamental beliefs about how you want to live your life? What are your irrevocable core values? What are your guiding principles? For example, someone whose personal credo includes a high degree of order and cleanliness might feel disrespected, angry and resentful when a loved one continually leaves dirty socks lying all around the house. On the other hand, if your personal credo does not have order and cleanliness as high priorities, or if those qualities are not on your list at all, you may only be frustrated or mildly irritated. So in other words, one person’s view of dirty socks is that they are an all-out affront to their personal credo and another’s might be that they are just a stinky annoyance.
The point is that you choose whether or not something is important enough to be a source of contention for you. If it truly is, then it’s time to communicate-and we are using the word “battle” in this segment to mean “take a stand,” not to wage an all out offensive-in a loving but convincing conversation. If not, let it go. Laugh it off. Try to ignore it.
It’s your credo, so you decide; you choose; but remember to pick your battles wisely, because your harmonious relationships and your own peace of mind are at stake.
Note: While this may appear to be a set of rules or restrictions that you are putting on someone in order to love them, it really is just making your values and desires known to someone who you love in order to have a happy, mutually-satisfying relationship. Negotiation and compromise are at the heart of this 9th way to condition yourself to love unconditionally.
8. Be Prepared to Switch Rather than Fight
OK, even if stinky socks are just an annoyance to you, stinky socks lying around the house are still stinky, and you may not want company in your living room wondering what that strange smell is emanating from under your couch. So you may decide that you want to express your disapproval or embarrassment with the situation. But when you do that, if you feel that things are escalating into a fight, walk away and switch your focus to a predefined list of things that make you happy and that you appreciate about your loved one. Make up your list in advance and keep it handy for whenever such a disagreement looms on the horizon. Switching to a feeling of love and appreciation is a much better place to be than focusing on a negative activity that really is not all that important to you.
7. Mistakes Are Meant To Be Made
Mistakes-everyone makes them, that’s how we learn. When we love someone, we naturally want to make them the beneficiary of our vast experience and knowledge. But if you have observed in the past that your suggestions appear to be unwanted, are met with resistance, or are falling on deaf ears belonging to your loved ones, make it a point to reserve your “help” until it is asked for. Let’s face it, constantly telling someone else what to do can be really annoying to the person on the receiving end of the advice. Now I’m not talking about holding your tongue concerning situations that could be potentially unsafe or dangerous, particularly for children. What you should look out for are sentences that start out with, “I think you should…” “It would be better if you…” Why don’t you try…” …You know what I mean. Allow your loved ones the freedom to make their own mistakes.
6. Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry-NOT!
We are all human and we all use poor judgment or are insensitive to the needs or feelings of others at times. When this happens, ‘fess up; apologize; ask for forgiveness; and don’t do it again.
And when you are on the receiving end of an apology, listen attentively; graciously accept it; and then forgive and forget (See #2.).
5. See Adults As Children and Children As Adults
Often times even as adults we are living out recurring dramas that started as a result of childhood issues. For example, wanting more love and attention could have lead to an obsessive need to be noticed, resulting in an overwhelming desire to be first, to be the best, to be right at all costs. The same lack of love and attention in another child could have left him or her feeling defeated, invisible, unlovable. Recognize the wounded child in your loved ones when they make an appearance in their adult life. Acknowledge the unfulfilled need and try to help them satisfy their own wounded child self.
Children are not little adults, they are children, but they do have an inner, older, wiser soul. Do not put off their opinions, observations or questions as silly or childish. Show them the love and respect for their words and actions that they deserve at all ages and stages of their lives.
4. WYSIWYG
“What you see is what you get” is a very important distinction in giving unconditional love. It’s all about what you are focusing on in the relationship, because what you focus on is that you get. If you are only looking at the things that make you want to criticize and find fault, you will get more and more of those kinds of things to criticize and find fault with. Concentrate on the positive aspects of your loved ones and that is what you will see more and more of.
3. Affirm Away Negativity
Sweep away any negative thoughts that you may have about your relationships and replace them with positive affirmations that express exactly how you would like the relationships to be. Affirmations are tiny sound bites that are transmitted directly to your subconscious mind, where their creation begins. Think or say your affirmations out loud with emotion for the best results. Also, make sure that you create them in the present tense as if they are already happening. Here are some examples: “I love and respect my mate and my mate loves and respects me.” “My children are a constant source of lo
ve and joy in
my life.” “I lovingly and effectively communicate my wants and desires.”
2. Don’t Be An Energy Hog
Did you know that you can actually “steal” energy from someone else? Along with our physical body that we can see, we also have an energy field surrounding the full length of our body and extending out as far as our outstretched arms. This energy network is an expression of our personal power. Power struggles ensue when we attempt to control or manipulate someone else and the “loser” can actually lose some of their power to another. (Haven’t you ever felt “drained” after being in an argument or a confrontation with someone?) Let go of your need to control or dominate someone else or, conversely, of your incessant need to cling to your loved ones. These are both energy-robbing activities. A feeling of powerlessness activates the need to take power from others, even-and maybe especially-our loved ones. Keep this in mind as you go on to #1.
1. It Takes One to Know One
“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
- Barbara de Angelis
Until you love yourself unconditionally, you cannot unconditionally love someone else. Period. Love and respect yourself just the way you are…now. Not in the future, not whenever you achieve whatever… now. Your power and capacity to love lie in the present moment and it starts with loving yourself. We are all spiritual beings living in a physical dimension. Invite the spiritual part of you to join the physical part of you as you experience your life. See your world through the eyes of spirit and you will recognize the truth of it. Everything is perfect as it is right now. You are perfect as you are right now. Embracing your perfection will condition your heart to love and accept others as they are, too.
Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Truly hear these words in your soul and you’ll see the results in your heart. Your happiness will not depend on your loved ones acting in a certain way; your happiness will depend on you!
Mary Jo Shaffer is co-owner of Heart Projects, LLC, in partnership with her twin daughters Rachel Shaffer and Heather Knorpp. Their mission of love is to share their gifts and to help others use the Law of Attraction to manifest their own heart’s desires. Heart Projects, LLC’s product lines include their exclusive genuine gemstone Manifesting
There are 17 ways for you to make your making up relationship great in the brand new year
A brand new year can sound very exciting to you, how are you going to go about it? Are you trying to have making up relationship during that period of time, or are you intending to wait for your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to come and say “Will you come back to me again”. These can be very promising as every brand new year can be very auspicious that will bring best luck for you and your love ones.
Just recently, we saw a list of the 5 top topics that people create goals around for the New Year, with weight loss leading the list. What struck us as odd was that creating better relationships wasn’t on that list! In our opinion, there is NOTHING more important than your relationships AND… The reason we hold this opinion isn’t because we’re relationship coaches who write about, speak about, coach and teach people like you about creating closer and more connected relationships.
You see, everything we do or try to do in life is either about, includes or requires the help of a relationship of some kind. If you are a parent (or have parents) that’s a relationship. If you work anywhere, you must develop relationships to be successful in your job. Governments must form relationships with other government organizations in order to be effective and even to be in harmony with one another.
Even something like an engine in a car must have a “relationship” with the other parts of the car in order to work effectively and efficiently to provide transportation for the owner and passengers of the car. In our way of looking at things, if you’re going to have something, why not go for the best?
When it comes to your relationships, if you want them to be better than what you have right now, one of the best ways is to continually find some ways of improving them–and that starts with intentions and then setting and achieving some goals. In case you’re like us and haven’t written your goals or resolutions for the new year (or even if you never do it), we want to offer you a few ideas about how you can create growing, more loving, more deeply connected relationships in the new year.
Here are a few ways that have worked for us to keep our relationship close, connected and growing–and we offer them to you…
1. Forget about it. Forget about what happened last year. It’s done. It’s over. If you feel like you need resolution about something that was said or that happened, talk to the other person. If you don’t get the resolution that you want, don’t carry it into the New Year. Forgive yourself or the other person. Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or abused in any way? Of course not! All we are saying is that unresolved grievances may hurt you more than the other person–or more than you realize.
2. Set some relationship goals. Think about what you’d like more of in 2008 in your relationship. We suggest that you take some time together and talk about what you want and some ways that you could practice that would bring you closer to having it–if the relationship is important to you. For instance, one of our relationship goals for 2008 might be “having more fun together.” One of the ways we could “practice” is to keep a list of what “having fun” means to each of us and then doing one or more of those things every week.
3. Increase the amount of time you spend in bed–both sleeping and making love.
Statistics show that most of us don’t get enough sleep–and relationships can
Certainly suffer if you don’t. If you aren’t sleeping, begin some type of meditation
Or relaxation program. There are plenty of resources out there that can help. If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest that you spend more time making
Love–from a connected space. If you don’t feel connected, make it a practice to feel close and connected before love making. Talk about how the two of you can increase intimate feelings in your relationship.
4. Make your relationships a bigger priority. Most of us lead very busy lives and we tend to put most everything ahead of maintaining and growing our relationships, especially the intimate one. We’ve said this many, many times but the idea bears repeating. People can very easily get “lost” from one another if they don’t keep coming back to revitalizing their relationship. Committing to doing one simple thing like having a meal together once a day–or even one day a week–and talking together can make a big difference in a relationship.
5. Do something different. Doing something different and varying from your routine helps you to expand and grow. Doing something different–something that
Excites both of you-can help your relationship to come alive.
Some friends of ours went salsa dancing on New Year’s Eve. This is the first time
In a long while that they had celebrated this holiday away from home–so it was
Very different for them. They told us that although they were terrible at salsa
Dancing, they laughed and had a lot of fun. We suggest that you try something different that would be nourishing for your relationship.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Looking for ways to get your ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
Another 17 ways of making up great relationship for you in the coming new year
Are you feeling very excited and eager to have your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back to your side in the coming new year? Are you anticipating that to be happened in your life? Are you looking forward to witness the incident of your loves ones coming back with a kiss, hug and soft love chat with you again?
Of course, you may be excited as we are. As I am writing this article, I am also wondering to me whether are we going to have these incidents happened to us again. These good relationships will only occur if we are able to handle the situations properly without any hiccups and mistakes made in the coming New Year. Therefore, as you read along this article, you will realise what are another 17 ways of making up a great relationship that can prove the best with your love ones.
In our most recent survey about relationships, someone asked us the question (and we thought it was a good one) — “How do you create a great relationship that really lasts in today’s world of throwaway’ relationships and $99 divorces?”
Whew! We wanted to say to this person… Hold on a minute. Yes there are many more break ups than there used to be many years ago but in our opinion, there’s also more joy, possibilities and connection. As always, we want to do our part in giving you the relationship help and ideas you need to create a great relationship filled with lots of love, passion and connection.
In this series of articles, we’re giving you some ideas and an invitation to create some relationship goals for the coming year that will bring you closer to what you want for your life. We know that writing relationship goals may not be at the top of your list of things to do right now, but whether you’re single or with a partner, we urge you to spend just a few minutes thinking about what you would like more of in your relationships.
Then consider our “17 ways” that you could put into action in your life. This can be your best year yet and we’re offering some ways to help you manifest that for yourself. Here are a few more ways that have worked for us to keep our relationship close, connected and growing–and we offer them to you…
1. Decide to heal your past–or the parts that are constantly in your face.
If you’re like most people, you carry your past around with you everywhere. Now the past doesn’t always get in the way of what we want but sometimes it does.
Take Sam…He just couldn’t let go of his first marriage and first wife. He wanted her understanding and forgiveness because he left their marriage.
He wanted her to tell him that she knew why he left and that she played a part in his leaving. But she never did…And he could never let go so every new relationship he tried failed. Healing for Sam would be to begin to let go of his desire that his ex act in a certain way and his need to keep living in the past.
He needs to quit judging her as he perceives she’s judging him. He can begin by staying in his present and looking toward his future. What is it in your past that you could begin to look at and heal that you’ve been carrying around with you that no longer serves you?
2. Recommit to your relationship.
Recommitting to a relationship–whether it’s a relationship with your significant other, your child, or yourself–means looking at that
relationship with fresh eyes and making the decision that this relationship is important to you.
It might mean spending more time together. It might mean focusing more attention on that relationship, making it a higher priority in your life. If you are recommitting to yourself, you can spend more time pampering yourself in whatever way that feels good to you.
If you are recommitting to a partner, you can find time each day to focus on and love each other. How can you either recommit to yourself or to your partner and what might that look like?
3. Learn some new relationship skills.
The two of us are constantly learning about how to have great relationships and if you’re reading this right now, you know that we share these ideas with you in this newsletter.
Many people tell us that they use our newsletters as a jumping off point for discussions with their partners or friends. We invite you to do the same. In whatever area that you would like to improve–whether it’s to put more spark back in your relationship, communicate better.
Or find a partner who you truly want to be with–choose to learn some new things that will help move you closer to what you want. What new relationship skills will help bring you closer to having what you want?
4. Meditate, pray, connect deeper to your spiritual centre and Source, God, Creator–whatever name feels right to you. Why would connecting deeper to your
spiritual centre and with God help you create great relationships?
We can speak from our experience. When we take time each day to pray and meditate, that is a time of relaxation and self-reflection. We can just feel what we’ve been holding on to all day just melt away. Sometimes we even get a big “ah ha” about how an interaction could have gone better or how our reaction could have closed the other person to us–how we could have loved more.
Now this meditation or pray time doesn’t mean you have to sit still for a certain
amount of time. Susie “sits” for meditation every day but Otto chooses to meditate during what he calls his “quiet, alone time” and that usually involves taking a walk by him. Whatever way fits you, we invite you to begin a meditation/pray/quiet time practice every day. Start with 10 minutes and you’ll see the big changes that are in store for you and your relationships.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Can I get back together with ex lover? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
| person(s) online right now