What are the three biggest mistakes that the newly singles have made and how are they going to avoid them for the making up relationship?
Suddenly, it’s clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now? Caution: Don’t complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is “too soon?” That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more. “Or more?” you say. Yes! Six months or more! When you cut your finger, it takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.
The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.
I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better. The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed. Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn’t help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony. How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.
Before you can successfully get involved with and have a “healthy” love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself! When it comes to analyzing yourself, don’t be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes “prior” to your next relationship.
The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviours they did and didn’t like in their former partner. Create a “romantic résumé” that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate. It’s time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together… side by side.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date, it only means, and that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don’t grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make “having FUN” your only priority.
It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don’t need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That’s just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That’s smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.
Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin. We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.
If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it’s very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It’s time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date . . . everything.
The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love – the love that you will share with someone else in the future.
The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship. Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.
If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.
Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too. It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It’s time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.
The hurts won’t heal until you will allow yourself to forgive. I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now? If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn’t do, then you are missing the point. It’s time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.
It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn’t work. It takes no strength to let go, only courage. Let the healing begin.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex
love partner
during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Can I get my ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
Category:
Marriage
Tags: Avoid, Biggest, Going, Made, Making, Mistakes, Newly, relationship, Singles, Them, They, Three
Introduction
To acquire command of a second/foreign language, the learner formally learns mainly the basic skills of the target language ? listening, speaking, reading and writing. And listening and speaking, a receptive and a productive skill respectively, unavoidably depend on pronunciation to a substantial extent. Tench (1981: 1) rightly maintains –
Pronunciation is not an optional extra for the language learner, any more than grammar, vocabulary or any other aspect of language is. If a learner’s general aim is to talk intelligibly to others in another language, a reasonable pronunciation is important.
However, while learning the pronunciation of an L2, the learner often confronts different phonetic and phonological problems that obviously hinder his/her learning and ultimately prevent him/her from acquiring expected general proficiency in the oral and auditory skills of the target language. This phenomenon is also evident in the learning of pronunciation of English as a foreign language (EFL) by the Bengali speaking learner.
Both as a learner and a teacher-researcher of EFL, I have had practical experience of and the opportunity to observe the difficulties that the Bengali speaking learner usually faces in learning English pronunciation. English is a non-phonetic language since there exists no one-to-one correspondence between the graphemes (the letters of the alphabet) and the sounds actually pronounced and perceived. But the Bengali speaking EFL learner, especially the elementary one generally endeavours to learn pronunciations of words by looking at their spellings, and consequently learns mispronunciations of many of them, for example, adjective, adjustment, future, knee, knowledge, lamb, comb, lieutenant, calm, palm, pneumonia, psychology, Wednesday, and so on. This mainly happens due to the use of defective bilingual dictionaries showing many wrong pronunciations in the learner’s mother tongue, faults in teaching, indifference of the teacher to how the learner learns pronunciations of new and difficult words and the teacher’s lack of training. From the phonetic and phonological standpoint, the Bengali speaking EFL learner usually faces difficulties in, firstly, ‘speech production’ encompassing which articulator(s) to use how to pronounce which speech sound and how to pattern speech sounds to convey meaning and, secondly, in ‘speech perception’ including how to receive which speech sound(s) to perceive meaning. The difficulties certainly have seriously negative impact on his/her acquiring the speaking and listening skills of EFL.
The present paper therefore purports to be an endeavour to address the following crucial issues –
a. identification of the major phonetic and phonological problems confronted by the Bengali speaking EFL learner,
b. detection of the causes of the problems, and
c. suggestions for reducing the problems as well as ensuring the smooth and maximal learning of EFL pronunciation.
Problems related to monophthongs
The English language has twelve monophthongs or pure vowels ? five long /¡: a: ?: ? u:/ and seven short /I e æ ? ? ? U/. The Bengali speaking EFL learner generally finds the long monophthongs of the English language, for example, in the words ? sheep, part, bird, short, cool, and the like, seriously problematic since his/her mother tongue does not have them and he/she is not naturally accustomed to differentiating between short and long monophthongs. To emphasize an issue or express different attitudes and emotional effects, Bengali vowels are sometimes lengthened to some degree. Nonetheless, vowel length in the Bengali language is a phonetic aspect, not a phonological one as in the English language.
The contrastive monophthongs, such as /I/ in ‘ship’ versus /¡:/ in ‘sheep’, /e/ in ‘men’ versus /æ/ in ‘man’, /?/ in ‘cut’ versus /a:/ in ‘cart’, /?/ in ‘pot’ versus /?/ in ‘port’, /U/ in ‘full’ versus /u:/ in ‘fool’ and /a:/ in ‘bard’ versus /?:/ in ‘bird’ also often cause substantial problems in the learner’s articulation as well as perception of utterances because the difference between them is not that much exercised in the Bengali language. Moreover, the Bengali speaker cannot easily and properly pronounce the mid, central and short monophthong schwa /?/, as in the first syllables of the words ‘ago’, ‘today’ and ‘perhaps’, since this phoneme is absent from his/her first language and receives inadequate or no treatment in teaching.
In addition, the Bengali speaking learner is subconsciously used to nasalization of vowels without any nasal consonant in his/her mother tongue, for instance, the first vowel in the word ‘kada’ /k?nð?/(weeping) or the vowel in the word ‘chad’ /??nd/ (moon) being clearly nasalized. Nasalization of vowels in the Bengali language is a phonological feature as it obviously produces meaning difference and/or differentiates between words. This factor occasionally affects his/her pronunciation of English vowels devoid of nasalization.
Problems related to diphthongs
The Bengali speaking learner has difficulties in pronouncing as well as perceiving English diphthongs mainly due to his/her mother tongue interference. The English language has eight diphthongs / I? e? u? eI aI OI au ?u /, each of which is a combination of two monophthongs one gliding into the other and naturally longer than a pure vowel, whereas the Bengali language possesses eighteen regular diphthongs which are characteristically different from and shorter than the English ones. As a consequence, he/she pronounces only the first part of a diphthong and makes it identical to a monophthong. For example, ‘late’/leIt/ is pronounced like ‘let’ /let/. Hasan (2000: 66) rightly comments –
They mispronounce most of the English diphthongs; they fail to give these sounds their due length as they often pronounce only the first element of the sound and pay no heed to the second, thus the English diphthongs cease to be gliding sounds in their pronunciation, e.g. for English /e?/ and /?U/, they generally use the Bangla pure vowels /e/ and /?/ respectively.
This type of replacement of phonemes in the English language evidently affects the learner’s auditory and perceptive ability and certainly results in huge confusion and misunderstanding.
Problems related to consonants
As the Bengali speaking learner is naturally accustomed to articulating Bengali consonants which are different from English consonants in many respects, he/she finds the pronunciations of a number of English consonants difficult in both production and perception.
The Bengali language has as many as twenty plosives, whereas the English language has only six /p b t d k g/. The Bengali speaking learner uses both aspirated and unaspirated sounds in his/her mother tongue as it has separate aspirated and unaspirated phonemes differentiating between words, such as ‘pul’ /pUl/ (bridge) versus ‘phul’ /phUl/ (flower), ‘tok’ /t?k/ (sour) versus ‘thok’ /th?k/ (cheat) and ‘kal’ /k?l/ (tomorrow) versus ‘khal’ /kh?l/ (canal). But the English language has no corresponding aspirated plosives, and its voiceless plosives /p t k/are aspirated in the initial position of the stressed syllable, for example, in ‘pin’ /phIn/, ‘time’ /thaIm/, ‘come’ /kh?m/, etc and unaspirated in other positions, for example, in ‘tip’ /tIp°/, ‘meet’ /m¡:t°/, ‘make’ /me?k°/, etc. Consequently, the Bengali speaking learner cannot exactly pronounce the aspirated allophones of English voiceless plosives /p t k/and faces difficulty in both conveying and receiving information.
The Bengali speaking EFL learner cannot exactly articulate and even perceive the English inter-dental fricatives /?/ and /ð/ as in ‘thing’ and ‘this’ respectively since there are no inter-dental fricatives in the Bengali language. Rather, he/she uses Bengali dental stops instead of English inter-dental fricatives. It is also seen that he/she generally pronounces Bengali aspirated bilabial stops /ph/ and /bh/ in place of English labio-dental fricatives /f/ and /v/ as in ‘fan’ and ‘van’ respectively because the Bengali language does not have any labio-dental fricatives. Similarly, he/she generally uses Bengali alveolar retroflex stops in place of English alveolar plosives /t /and /d/as in ‘test’ and ‘dust’ respectively. This happens owing to the absence of alveolar plosives like English /t /and /d/from his/her mother tongue.
It is also evident that the Bengali speaking learner is usually incapable of differentiating between the English voiced alveolar fricative /z/ as in ‘zoo’, voiced palato-alveolar affricate /d? / as in ‘Jew’ and voiced palato-alveolar fricative /? / as in ‘pleasure’ since these sounds are not available in the Bengali language. Further, the English approximants /w/ and /j / as in ‘war’ and ‘year’ respectively are problematic to the Bengali speaking EFL learner. He/She cannot correctly articulate them as they are not present in his/her first language. As a result, on the one hand, his/her pronunciation appears to be non-English and/or unintelligible, and on the other, he/she often fails to perceive the sounds produced correctly by a native speaker or somebody else.
That is, the English consonants which are absent from the Bengali language and receive insufficient treatment in teaching and practice are difficult to the Bengali speaking learner, and hence have substantially negative effect on his/her pronunciation as well as perception.
Problems related to stress and intonation
Stress and intonation are two essential aspects of the pronunciation of English words and utterances since they perform phonological functions. Stress means prominence in pronunciation normally produced by four factors ? ‘loudness’ of voice, ‘length’ of syllables, ‘pitch’ related to the frequency of vibration of the vocal folds as well as to low/high tone and ‘quality’ of vowels functioning individually or in combination (Roach 2000). English words in isolation or in connected speech naturally receive stress that eventually results in intonation carrying information over and above that which is expressed by the words in the utterance. Hence, English is a stress-timed language possessing a speech rhythm in which the stressed syllables recur at equal intervals of time (Richards et al. 1985). On the contrary, the Bengali language is a syllable-timed language having a speech rhythm in which all the syllables recur at equal intervals of time. This difference between the two languages causes great difficulty to the Bengali speaking learner of EFL, especially in placing stress on the right syllable and using the appropriate tone, and thus hampers the encoding and decoding of information.
The Bengali speaking learner confronts considerable problems in assigning stress within English words because, on the one hand, English stress placement varies according to grammatical categories, for example, ‘abstract’, ‘conduct’, ‘contract’, ‘contrast’, ‘import’, ‘incline’, ‘insult’, ‘perfect’, ‘present’, ‘produce’, ‘rebel’, and so forth as verbs receiving stress on the second syllables and as nouns on the first, and on the other, he/she is used to assigning stress almost invariably on the first syllable of every word in his/her first language. Moreover, the English words, for instance, ‘introduce’, ‘photographic’, ‘examination’, excavation’, responsibility’, and soon which receive both primary and secondary stress are difficult to the learner and hamper his/her pronunciation as well as perception of speech.
Unlike the Bengali language, the English language has strong and weak forms, such as articles (a, an the), pronouns (he, she, we, you, him, her, them, us), auxiliaries (do, does, am, is, are, have, has, had, can, shall, will), prepositions (to, of, from, for, at), and conjunctions (and, but), which are usually unstressed in connected speech. For example, ‘the’ /ð¡:/ is pronounced /ð?/ before consonants and /ðI/ before vowels in connected speech if it is not stressed for some specific reasons. As the Bengali speaking learner is not accustomed to using such forms in his/her mother tongue, he/she certainly finds them problematic in both production and reception.
Finally, intonation, part of the suprasegmental phonology of English, is basically constituted of the rising tone ? a movement from a lower pitch to a higher one, e.g. ´yes /´jes/ uttered in a questioning manner ? and the falling tone ? one which descends from a higher to a lower pitch, e.g. `yes /`jes/ said in a definite, final manner, and plays varied unavoidable functions in the English language, such as attitudinal function, i.e. conveying emotions and attitudes, accentual function, i.e. the placement of the tonic syllable indicating the focus of the information, grammatical function, i.e. the link between the tone unit and units of grammar, and discourse function, i.e. attention focusing and the regulation on conversational behabiour, which have little relevance to the Bengali language. It is clear that the Bengali speaking learner of EFL faces difficulty in mastering English intonation due to mother tongue interference and inadequate training, and his/her speech then sounds unnatural and even unintelligible.
Conclusions and suggestions
The above analysis, interpretation and exemplification have clearly revealed that the Bengali speaking EFL learner encounters diverse phonetic and phonological problems resulting from three basic causes ? (a) the differences between the mother tongue and the target language, (b) mother tongue interference (MTI) and (c) the faulty and inadequate teaching of EFL pronunciation. Therefore, we have to address and reduce these causes with a view to lessening the phonetic and phonological difficulties, on the one hand, and ensuring the smooth and optimal learning of EFL pronunciation on the other.
The problems caused by the differences between the phonetic and phonological elements of the learner’s mother tongue and those of the target language, MTI and/or the faulty and inadequate teaching of EFL pronunciation can be reduced and solved to a substantial extent by appropriately treating them in the teaching process that directly deals with varied linguistic aspects including the phonetic and phonological ones. Hence, the learner’s needs and wants, especially those generated by the differences between his/her first language and the target language as well as MTI have an essentially direct relation to syllabus design, teacher qualification and training, materials development, use of equipment and the testing tool. In this regard, Haque and Maniruzzaman (1994: 79) hold –
… the learners’ needs and wants tremendously control the whole package of teaching materials, aids and equipment and the application of teaching techniques and strategies, the employment of classroom activities and most importantly, the method of teaching and the construction of the syllabus.
In other words, all the components of the teaching process have to take account of the factors that will help the learner overcome the phonetic and phonological problems and improve his/her oral and auditory ability.
Firstly, the syllabus should necessarily contain the phonetic and phonological items that the learner needs to learn and/or finds problematic. And they should be arranged in the order in which he/she will best learn and internalize them in order to use them accurately and fluently in his/her production and perception of speech in real life situations. Corder (1973: 296) rightly contends –
A finished syllabus is the overall plan for the learning process. It, too, must specify what components, or learning items, must be available, or learned by a certain time; what is the most efficient sequence in which they are learned; what items can be learned “simultaneously”; what items are available from stock, i.e. already known; and the whole process is determined by considerations of how long it takes to produce or learn a component or item. The process is under continual scrutiny by means of stock checks, or tests and examinations.
It is recommended that the syllabus should first specify the phonetic and phonological items to meet the learner’s needs and wants, and then order them according to their difficulty level and priorities in communication.
Secondly, the teacher has to have a thorough knowledge of the phonetic and phonological facets and a solid command of the listening and speaking skills of the target language since a teacher with a knowledge of phonetics is in a better position to understand and assess pronunciation problems, devise remedies for them, and handle them in class than a teacher without such knowledge (Tench 1981). In addition, he/she should have adequate expertise in and experience of contrastive analysis, needs analysis, syllabus design, materials development, teaching methods, use of equipment and testing. This is because the teacher is the right person to equip the learner with the capability of taking the responsibility of his/her own learning.
Thirdly, the materials to be developed to teach the problematic phonetic and phonological elements of the target language have to agree with the learner’s needs and interest. That is, they should be relevant and useful, and help the learner to feel at ease and develop confidence. They should also achieve impact through novelty of topics, illustrations and activities, variety of activities and sources, attractive presentation and appealing content, and thus have a noticeable effect on the learner (Tomlinson 1998). Furthermore, they should require and facilitate learner self-investment, and provide the learner with opportunities to use the difficult phonetic and phonological items to achieve communicative purposes. And the learner should be provided with and exposed to the materials by employing attractive and useful means and equipment, such as well-written books, colourful posters, charts and handouts, audio-visual aids, OHP, multimedia projector, and so forth.
Fourthly, the learner should be helped to best learn what he/she needs to learn. This gives rise to the significance of choosing and employing the appropriate teaching method including relevant materials, proper teaching techniques and interesting classroom activities. Having come to the realization that each learner has his/her own style, personality, needs, and so on, it follows that a single teaching method might not be appropriate and adequate for all the learners in the classroom. As a result, the recent tendency has been towards eclecticism, choosing materials, techniques and classroom activities from various sources (Maniruzzaman 1998).
Fifthly, to achieve the end, both controlled practice and communicative practice as being complementary (Maniruzzaman 2004) can be used in the classroom. To conduct controlled practice in teaching the phonetic and phonological elements, such as phonemes, word stress, utterance stress, and so forth, activities can be organized rulewise and implemented in a process with different stages. For example, to teach some particular phonemes, first of all, the learner should be exposed to a number of words containing the phonemes. Then the phonemes can be exhibited by using a chart or an OHP. After that, we have to explain how the phonemes are articulated by which speech organs. To give the explanation up to the learner’s satisfaction, we can even judiciously use the learner’s mother tongue (Maniruzzaman 2003). Afterwards, appropriate and interesting drilling (as in Baker 1981) can be conducted first individually and then chorally with a view to helping the learner have sufficient practice and acquire accuracy as well as fluency. In this connection, Tench (1981: 108) postulates -
The basic strategy is imitation of utterances (sentences, phrases, etc), supplemented by practice in specific problem areas. Such practice ? most of it can be called drilling ? is fundamental, because most pronunciation problems involve training the organs of speech (and the ears) to do things that they are not used to doing.
However, as controlled practice having mechanical drills may sometimes be boring and as this type of practice cannot ensure the learner’s communicative ability, we should involve the learner in some meaningful, purposive and communicative activities, such as role-play, pair work and group work to keep the learner motivated and make learning exciting.
Sixthly, the testing instrument has to be constructed and exploited in such a manner that the learner will neither lose motivation nor suffer any phobia, and the purpose will be served well. Before the start of the EFL pronunciation teaching programme, a placement test can be given to sort out and put the learners into some homogeneous groups, or to place them at the stage of the teaching programme most appropriate to their abilities (Hughes 1989). Then achievement tests can be administered to accumulate evidence during, or at the end of, the programme in order to determine whether and where progress has been made in terms of the goals of learning (McNamara 2000). Besides, diagnostic tests can be used during the programme in order to review the progress of learning, efficiency of teaching and effectiveness of the materials and equipment, and hence to identify their strengths and weaknesses and bring modification to them if needed. And a general proficiency test has to be given at the end of the programme to ascertain how far the learner is able to use what he/she has learned to communicate in his/her real life situations.
Finally, pronunciation teaching can be integrated as much as possible with the rest of the items constituting language teaching, such as grammar, vocabulary, conversations, style, function, and the like. Nevertheless, pronunciation problems should sometimes be taught separately for special attention and practice resulting in accuracy and fluency.
Acknowledgement
This paper is a revised version of the article presented at a seminar in the Department of English at East West University, Dhaka on 24 November 2005. I am grateful to the enthusiastic audience for their interesting questions and constructive observations contributing to the revision of the article. My special thanks go to Professor Dr. Fakrul Alam chairing the seminar for his informative comments and generous suggestions.
Works Cited
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Hasan, A. D. “Problems of teaching English sound system.” ELT: Directions and Orientations. Rajshahi University: Department of English (2000): 63 – 69.
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Maniruzzaman, M. “The SL/FL classroom and the individual learner.” Harvest: Jahangirnagar Studies in Literature, 14 (1998): 87-102.
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