Some studies have found that accumulated angers and resentments can eventually explode and create serious damages in marriage lives. It is important to solve problems immediately so you do not give any chances to the problems to grow into something that will create serious damages. It is a good strategy to solve marriage problems as early as possible if you want to prevent disasters.

Pay attention to common signs and address them

You need to be sensitive if you want to solve marriage problems as early as possible. Understand these common signs and never ignore them when you notice the signs in your marriage life. One sign that you need to pay attention at is any changes in your spouse behaviors. Try to find the causes of these changes. Many times, irritability and restlessness are potent signs of underlying marriage problems. Therefore, it is necessary to spend some time to resolve the situation so it does not escalate into something dangerous.

Communication is the key to uncover these underlying problems. It is good if you can take some time off and spend a good quality time with your spouse. Plan a romantic date with him or her that will ease the tension between the two of you. Do not immediately raise the issue and confront your spouse directly about the reason on why he or she acts strangely recently. Just have a good and fun time with your spouse. Normally it is much easier to initiate open communication when both couples are relaxed.

However, if you notice that your spouse is not comfortable to start talking about the problems, then it is best not to push to hard. Just wait until your spouse is ready. If you keep pushing, he or she will get defensive and it will strain the relationship further. In this case, going for a short vacation can become a good solution. Sometimes the situation at home or workplace is too stressful for your spouse and a good vacation can get him or her away from those unpleasant situations. It is a good chance for you and your spouse to have privacy so the two of you can have a long discussion.

The most important thing is that you should never let marriage problems persist for a long period of time. If you do not do anything, your marriage will suffer and it can lead to a divorce. Therefore, you must never too busy when it comes to your marriage. You have said the marriage vow and you need to do everything in your power to make it work.

From time to time the problems that we are faced with may be so huge that one may feel like they are hammering against a brick wall. The stress involved with having to solve such a problem can be more than just a little overwhelming.

But have faith and rejoice, for there may be hope yet!

With a more optimistic mindset, a person will find that they are more creative when solving their problems. This article identifies seven creative problem-solving techniques.

1. Take note of assumptions and constraints with the problem. Oftentimes, these assumptions can obstruct our view of possible solutions. Note which assumptions are not valid and which need to be addressed.

2. You need to take a hard look at what the problem really is. Know the problem and have a concrete understanding of what it is about. By knowing what the problem is and how it works, you may find that you will have built a better foundation towards solving the problem.

Identify all the participating entities and then decide what their relationship is to one another. Take note of all the things you stand to gain or loss due to the current problem. Once you have considered the following you should have a clear and simple statement of what the problem is.

3. Try solving the problem in parts. For example, going from the more general views to the more detailed parts of the problem may solve it. This method is called the top down approach. First, write down a question and then come up with a general one-sentence solution, now you will be able to develop the solution even further.

4. It is important to keep a creative and analytical voice of reason at the back of your head. If someone else suggests a solution, be creative, think of how to make the solution work. Also think realistically and look for any possible weak links in the suggested solution.

5. Remain open-minded to the fact that there may be more than one solution to the problem. Keep track of them and go with the one that best fits your situation.

6. You know the old saying, “two heads are better than one.” It is so very true, so remember to be open to new ideas. There may be answers for problems that you thought were unsolvable. You will benefit from listening to others, especially when the information is coming from someone who has had experience with a similar problem to yours.

7. Be patient. There is always the chance that the solution will present itself. Remember, no one is able to come up with the right invention the first time around.

So the next time that a problem arises and you think that you are unable to solve it, think again. The solution could be staring you in the face. It just takes some planning, time and a little creative thinking.

First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don’t try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.

GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People

Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it’s tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it’s so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let’s face it – other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.

GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem

In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let’s say your partner won’t spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be “We need ___ to spend more time at home”.

GROUP THREE: YOU

Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.

OK: Time to Start Culling…

When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because…..

*** You cannot change OTHER PEOPLE ***

But how great would it be if we could? We’d live blissfully in a world full of people who were just like us….or would we?? Now, I’m not saying that people will not change of their own accord. It just means that if they do change, it will be because they choose to, not because you tell them that they should. Don’t waste your time and energy on those parts of the problem that you cannot control!

Okay, now do the same with the group 2 list; screw it up and throw it away! Because….

*** You cannot change the facts ***

So now, all that is left is the list you have made for group 3. Your problem has just gotten a whole lot smaller because you’ve thrown away 2 of the lists! Have a good look at this third list. Are there any things in the list you have made that you feel you truly cannot change? If so, remove these items from the list – you must only use your energy on the things you do have the ability to influence.

Now, looking at the remaining things on the list, are there any things that you do not want to change? This is really important! If you don’t want to change something about yourself, then you will not; it’s that simple! But keep this in mind; writing this list is all about taking personal responsibility for what is not working in your life. This technique will help you to focus on the parts of your problem that you CAN do something about. By now, you should have in your hot little hand a practical, do-able list that you can turn into an action plan. So the message is clear….

Find out what you can do about it and then take action!

So, you have a problem that you need to solve quick. You have
agonized over this issue for hours, days, months, or even years
and you still can’t resolve it. Well, don’t worry my friend; the
answer is already within you. You simply need to call forth your
creative energy in order to bring the answer into your focused
mind.

How do you do this? It is easy. You simply utilize creative
problem solving, that’s how. Creative what? Creative problem
solving. You see, creative problem solving is the powerful act
of utilizing internal out-of-the box creativity to solve
everyday problems.

Creativity that is already inside of you and the good news is
that it can be done by anyone with any type of problem. It
matters not if you’re a toddler or a sassy sexy citizen, it
matters not if you are a housewife or a neurosurgeon, you can
solve problems creatively and you can do it without stressing
out. All you have to do is follow these basic creative problem
solving steps:

1. Visualize ultimate success. Don’t dwell on negative thinking
for doing so will block your creative energy. Instead, you
should always revel in the fact that the answer is already
within you. You simply have to pull it forward from your
creative mind. Visualizing failure will block your creative
energy and visualizing success will bring it forward.

2. Be still and know that the answer is within you. There is
absolutely no need to fear that the problem can’t be solved. The
answer will come to you if you stop worrying and take a more
relaxed approach. Be quiet and still and allow the creative
ideas to come forth. In addition, always be willing to just sit
still and let your thoughts wonder freely.

3. Be patient. Don’t rush the creative problem solving process.
It sometimes takes a while for your creativity to solve a
problem so don’t become frustrated if the problem isn’t resolved
right away. Instead, enjoy the creative process for what it
really is, an internal process and be open and receptive to
allowing those new solutions to come forward.

4. Create a positive environment. The creative mind flourishes
in a healthy and positive atmosphere so if you are having a hard
time creatively solving a problem then you may need to create a
more positive and uplifting environment. This can be done by
cleaning up, adding plants, burning aromatherapy candles, or
doing whatever you can to create a creative and positive
environment. For once you have a creative environment in place;
your creativity problem solving skills will burst forward.

5. Take time away. If possible, take some time away to really
allow your creative problem solving abilities to materialize.
Sometimes you need a change of scenery and other times you just
need time away. However, you must be willing to give your spirit
what it needs, a mini vacation to sort through your thoughts and
come up with the perfect solution.

6. Engage others in the creative process. If you get stuck and
can’t seem to get out of a rut, it may be a good idea to discuss
your problem with others. Sometimes they can provide creativity
problem solving techniques that will help you. They may also be
able to solve the problem for you. The important thing however
is to only enlist the help of like minded and positive people
like you. You don’t want to ask someone to assist that will
instill negative energy into your mind.

7. Meditate. Meditation is one of the best ways to engage your
creative problem solving skills. By elevating yourself to a
different level of consciousness you become more intoned with
your thought processes and can truly see the connection better
than when you are distracted. For this reason, meditation is a
great way to engage creative problem solving.

By following the above basic steps, you can and will creatively
solve any problem that may come your way. You’ll solve problems
with confidence and less stress than if you simply followed
traditional methods. So, enjoy the problem solving process by
using creative problem solving techniques now and for the rest
of your life!

“I proceed with a courageous and honest analysis of the situation. Then I determine what the worst consequences of my failure could be. After imagining the most disastrous consequences that could result, I resign myself to accept them in case it becomes necessary. From that moment on, I concentrate all my time and energy to looking for ways that could alleviate the consequences which, mentally, I have already accepted”. Dale Carnegie, American orator

Problems: You either love ‘em or hate ‘em. For some they represent a challenge, something from which to learn. For others problems are the beginning of the end, a reason to ‘down tools’ for the day. This is what distinguishes winners from losers, business successes from failures.

Positive thinkers act in a similar way to Carnegie, namely recognising that a problem exists, understanding the possible consequences, anticipating the worst possible scenario, and formulating their objectives on this.

Recognising That a Problem Exists

All problems share one characteristic. All are deviations from the norm. For example, where your average/anticipated sales during a given period are £200, you have a potential problem where actual sales are significantly less.

All successful businesses set standards. The first step towards solving problems presupposes that you have determined measurable standards against which to measure progress and performance. From this, you periodically compare actual against projected performance. This is best achieved as a team exercise, including management and staff, as appropriate.

Analysing the Problem: Defining its Scope

Here you are locating and determining the extent of your problem, deciding whether it has short-term or long-term consequences. A well-defined problem is almost solved and frequently the solution is obvious. A useful tip is to draw up a ‘Problem Analysis Worksheet’, including vertical columns where aspects of the problem can be recorded: what the problem is, who was responsible for it, when it occurred, what its consequences might be, what the ideal situation would be (your objectives), how serious the problem is, and so on. Having considered all aspects of the problem, as a team, the group then lists possible solutions.

Focus on Objectives: Classify these as ‘Essential’ or ‘Desirable’

Your objectives are results you want to achieve, your ideal situation. These should be listed as ‘essential’ or ‘desirable’.

Compare Suggested Solutions against Objectives

Again, preferably as a team, all solutions are considered in terms of how successful they might be at achieving your objectives, primarily ‘essentials’.

Choose a Tentative Solution from Your List

One potential solution will usually reveal itself as most suitable for achieving your objectives. This is the one you should initiate in the first instance.

Put the Solution into Practice and Monitor the Consequences

Once initiated, the consequences must be monitored and adverse occurrences identified and controlled. Some changes might be necessary, especially for unexpected events. Alternatively, and only as a last resort, you may find you have to choose another from your list of possible solutions. Whatever happens, you will almost certainly have your problem under control, maybe not solved, but manageable.

Alternative Problem-Solving

An extremely useful tip from the late Joe Karbo, American motivational writer and entrepreneur, is to delegate the problem. To your computer! Not the Amstrad, Apple or Atari; this computer is far more complex, infinitely more powerful. The computer Karbo and others like him refer to is your unconscious computer – your mind!

According to many psychologists and motivational gurus, we use only a tiny proportion of our U/Cs. Programming the U/C to solve your problem is easy, all you have to do is ask. This is what you do:

Write the problem down at the top of a clean sheet of paper. Section the remainder of the page into two vertical columns.

Try to solve the problem yourself. On the left-hand side, write down all possible ways to solve your problem. Include reasons. On the other side, list the potential drawbacks of each considered solution.

Ask your U/C to choose the best solution from those listed or to come up with another. This might sound silly, but believe me it isn’t. Karbo tells readers to think of your U/C as ‘another person, an employee or assistant’. We must tell that other person ‘I want the answer to this problem by tomorrow morning … or four o’clock this afternoon’. Then you just forget it, go to sleep or turn to doing something else.

Surely enough, just as that name you’ve struggled to remember will suddenly come to you long after you’ve given up trying, your U/C will provide the answer you need. Try it, it works.

But problem solving does not stop at work. Solving problems is our daily bred and butter, we do it all the time, intuitively, automatically and even subconsciously.

Basically problem solving is an attitude. The natural problem solver does not view a challenging situation as a problem. In fact he or she may even get excited at the prospect of a challenge. When you feel your problems are overwhelming you, you are basically in a limiting and negative frame of mind.

This attitude can be changed of course.

You can learn problem solving, it is a skill like any other. There is no magic involved, All you need is be willing to adopt a different mind set and try new ideas.

Problem solving is about creating new ideas.

The reason most of us have very little or no problem solving skills is to do with our upbringing. The educated mind thinks in linear and logical ways. This not necessarily the best way to get into problem solving mode. In the old paradigm problem solving methods are highly pro-active, produces stress and creates urgency to get immediate results.

This old paradigm of going about life in general is becoming redundant. New, better techniques, mainly from the field of energy psychology pave the way for easier, less stressful ways to solve our daily lot.

Problem solving becomes much easier when you use intend, relaxation and simple re framing techniques. The Secret is allowing things to come to you, rather then you chasing them.

Allowing is a very powerful tool. When you relax with the intention to find the solution to a vexing problem, without constantly focusing on it, you are allowing the answer to come to you. You are switching the neuro transmitters to receiving mode, so to speak. And this is all you have to do.

I know it sounds unreal and you don’t really want to follow my advice, because you think it does not work. After all, it goes against all your instincts and what we have learned. You believe that you need to always be pro-active, otherwise you get nowhere.

I am not telling you to stop doing things and sit around idly whilst you wait for an answer to your problem to pop into your head. But I am asking you to relax, observe, sit quietly, or do something else, or sleep over the problem, and then see what happens.

Watch for signs to the answers. You don’t even have to consciously watch, it will just happen. I assure you the answers will come, sooner then you think. They will come in the form of a telephone call, a news article, a book, something you see on television or on a web site,

This is the time to take action, now you are getting nearer to the solution of whatever it is that’s bugging you. You have worked less hard, worried less and stressed less over it. Just think, if you can learn to solve problems in this way, how much better off you will be. You will have more time, feel more relaxed and probably get a lot more done in your day too.

Did it feel like you had exhausted all possible options and yet are still before the mountain – large, unconquerable, and impregnable? When encountering such enormous problems, you may feel like you’re hammering against a steel mountain. The pressure of having to solve such a problem may be overwhelming.

But rejoice! There might be some hope yet!

With some creative problem-solving techniques you may be able to look at your problem in a different light. And that light might just be the end of the tunnel that leads to possible solutions.

First of all, in the light of creative problem-solving, you must be open-minded to the fact that there may be more than just one solution to the problem. And, you must be open to the fact that there may be solutions to problems you thought were unsolvable.

Now, with this optimistic mindset, we can try to be a little bit more creative in solving our problems.

Number one; maybe the reason we cannot solve our problems is that we have not really taken a hard look at what the problem is. Here, trying to understanding the problem and having a concrete understanding of its workings is integral solving the problem. If you know how it works, what the problem is, then you have a better foundation towards solving the problem.

Not trying to make the simple statement of what problem is. Try to identify the participating entities and what their relationships with one another are. Take note of the things you stand to gain any stand to lose from the current problem. Now you have a simple statement of what the problem is.

Number two; try to take note of all of the constraints and assumptions you have the words of problem. Sometimes it is these assumptions that obstruct our view of possible solutions. You have to identify which assumptions are valid, in which assumptions need to be addressed.

Number three; try to solve the problem by parts. Solve it going from general view towards the more detailed parts of the problem. This is called the top-down approach. Write down the question, and then come up with a one-sentence solution to that from them. The solution should be a general statement of what will solve the problem. From here you can develop the solution further, and increase its complexity little by little.

Number four; although it helps to have critical thinking aboard as you solve a problem, you must also keep a creative, analytical voice at the back of your head. When someone comes up with a prospective solution, tried to think how you could make that solution work. Try to be creative. At the same time, look for chinks in the armor of that solution.

Number five; it pays to remember that there may be more than just one solution being developed at one time. Try to keep track of all the solutions and their developments. Remember, there may be more than just one solution to the problem.

Number six; remember that old adage,” two heads are better than one.” That one is truer than it sounds. Always be open to new ideas. You can only benefit from listening to all the ideas each person has. This is especially true when the person you’re talking to has had experience solving problems similar to yours.

You don’t have to be a gung-ho, solo hero to solve the problem. If you can organize collective thought on the subject, it would be much better.

Number seven; be patient. As long as you persevere, there is always a chance that a solution will present itself. Remember that no one was able to create an invention the first time around.

Creative thinking exercises can also help you in your quest be a more creative problems solver.

Here is one example.

Take a piece of paper and write any word that comes to mind at the center. Now look at that word then write the first two words that come to your mind. This can go on until you can build a tree of related words. This helps you build analogical skills, and fortify your creative processes.

So, next time you see a problem you think you can not solve, think again. The solution might just be staring you right in the face. All it takes is just a little creative thinking, some planning, and a whole lot of work.

1. BELIEVE THAT – “The problem is the process, not the people” – 85% of service, quality, and productivity problems are directly related to the design and management of a business process. Problem solvers know this and look to change the process before asking individuals to change or improve.

2. LISTEN – to the people who work for you, with you, and even against you. Successful problem solvers know there are multiple perspectives to issues and problems. They endeavor to listen and understand them all and then take the best and leave the rest.

3. EMPLOY THE 80 / 20 RULE – This rule is as true for solving problems as it is for making sales, i.e. “20% of your sales efforts produce 80% of your sales.” The busy business leader is always asking “what’s really important here, and where should I be spending my time to solve this problem?”

4. USE DATA – Business leaders are keenly aware of the power of opinions and anecdotal information. They stay clear of such, and endeavor to support every suggestion or recommendation with the best quantitative data available. They know that good decisions are based on good information.

5. GENERATE IDEAS THROUGH OTHERS – Business leaders revel in getting the best out of the people they work with. They know that great ideas can come from those who actually perform your work as well as vendors and trusted advisors. Problem solvers are always looking for multiple solutions to problems and opportunities.

6. UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMERS – enough said!

7. PLAN and

8. EXECUTE- These two go hand-in-hand, particularly so for complex problems. Solving problems requires good discipline coupled with good methodology. Although not rocket science, solving complex problems does require a certain amount of management science, which is simply the deployment of a common sense problem solving sequence – e.g. 1-define the problem, 2- analyze the problem, 3-develop alternatives, 4- select and plan a solution, 5- implement the solution, 6-evaluate and adjust.  Of course there are times when problem solving requires making a decision based on your gut instincts. And when that’s the case by all means do so.  But don’t fool yourself either – when possible, use an objective problem solving process.

9. FOCUS ON RESULTS – Successful problem solvers quickly distinguish symptoms from problems and don’t get hung up on opinions vs. facts or style vs. substance.  They search for root causes to problems and drive for comprehensive results that will solve problems both short and long term.

10. UNDERSTAND CHANGE – Successful business leaders understand that in order to solve most problems, someone, somewhere, somehow – has to change – maybe a little, maybe a lot – but change. The implications of this simple fact are significant since you know that change, for most people, is difficult.  Therefore executing a solution will require helping people get through the change – and you must be prepared to provide that help.

This list of tips is certainly not complete. However, using just a few tips at the right time and the right place, will improve your problem solving ability significantly.

We have developed into a blaming society. Mom blames the older siblings when problems arise in the household. Teacher finds someone to blame when things go out of control in the class room. Management and unions blame each other. Political parties use blame in the extreme, and it is disruptive, subordinating national goals under political aims. Spouses unfortunately play the blame game to the destruction of marriages and families. Experts in many realms teach that making things better should be the focus of our energies. The barrier to this is blame.

Blame is the process of assigning responsibility for an event on another. Various emotions drive the blame, and it results in loss of face, embarrassment, fear and anger. It is unpleasant for all parties concerned. The language of blame and problem solving is distinctively different, and a study of real life situations could be constructive for managers hoping to rise above the cauldron of anger and blame. A manager may assign responsibility for a task without assigning blame. And you can hold someone accountable for results without blaming. The distinction is in the language and tone of the message. Robert Bacal, consultant from Casselman, Ontario gives some helpful scenarios:

Blame – ‘If you had done your work on time, we wouldn’t be in this mess.’

Factual statement – ‘Your responsibility is to fulfill your work commitments on time. When your work wasn’t available, I had to speak to the boss without the information I needed.’

The factual statement is the prelude to problem solving. The blame statement is bound to cause sparks to fly. Problem solving is focused on the present and the future. The goal is fixing a present problem and seeking to prevent it in the future.

Problem solving lacks the emotions of blaming, and it is less personal and more systems oriented. The problem solving process needs an understanding of the past and an understanding of the root causes of issues. It may include:

Clarifying the problem, goal or purpose

Collecting data, gain understanding

Diagnose, identify sources of problem

Formulate hypotheses for cause

Formulate a strategy for solution

Evaluate, collect more data

Note that assigning of blame is not part of the process. Neither is there room for emotional upheavals. Solving problems requires the use of a process, much of which was created by Deming. TQM, the quality system of modern companies, provides the structure and knowledge on how to solve problems the efficient way. Whether you are pursuing continuous improvement, organizational reinforcement, or improving performance on various levels, the issue of blame vs. problem solving is critical.

When problems occur, such as lack of performance, failure to meet commitments, etc, and you need to intervene, use problem solving. Begin by trying to understand the problem and underlying issues with the employee. Poor performance can be the result of boredom, stress, limited skills or knowledge, or other systems issues such as equipment or authority. Working with the employee to attack the root problem will help avoid it in the future. The focus is on the future. Additional scenarios by Robert Bacal:

Blame

Mgr: John, you should have let me know this work would not be ready for the meeting. We all looked stupid in front of the boss, and it’s going to take us time to recover.

John: I tried to tell you, but you were on vacation. And I forgot. You are very hard to get a hold of, you know.

Mgr: You could have called me at home.

John: I didn’t want to bother you. You said I shouldn’t call you unless it was absolutely urgent.

The manager attacks, and the employee defends. This could end up with attacks flying back and forth. The situation is not pleasant. Now look at how it could have gone:

Problem Solving

Mgr: John, I expected to have information from you prior to the teleconference. We need to figure out what happened and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Was I not clear on the date, or was there some other thing that caused us to miss the deadline?

John: Well, I might have misunderstood about the urgency, and when you went on vacation, I didn’t want to bother you at home.

Mgr: OK, well, how does this sound. If I need something on an urgent basis, I’ll make sure that I tell you in the future. I can also let people know when it is OK to call me at home, so it will be easier. I am also going to ask you to please keep me informed, though on projects like this we won’t be embarrassed again. Does this make sense?

John: Yes, and I have more input that may be useful….

You can feel the difference in the dialogues. The problem solving dialogue is neutral aimed at finding where the problem lies and works to prevent reoccurrence. Of course, it may not go this smoothly, and it is oversimplified.

Modeling problem solving in everything you do, staff meetings and other gatherings, is an excellent habit to form. When in a conference, and blame raises its ugly head, redirect with ‘what can we do, then, in the future?’ Seek a problem solving attitude when blame is assigned during a meeting. When you start doing this you begin to create a blameless culture, a responsible culture that discourages empty complaints that will put you in the middle of other people’s disputes.

Moving from blame to problem solving is a tough road because many people will not discern the difference. For some, being responsible also means to be at fault. When blame raises its head, return to the problem, ask diagnostic questions, begin to find root causes, and avoid being drawn into the blame game. In time, some people will begin to see the difference and trust that you are not blaming but attempting to fix the problem.