Jun 23 '10 What are the Seven Essential Raw Ingredients for a Making Up Relationship to Work for You?

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What are the seven essential raw ingredients for a making up relationship to work for you?

 

 

 

As most of us can attest, relationships are tricky. Any relationship – whether intimate, friendship, familial, work-related, political or social – can be the best thing that ever happened to us … or our worst nightmare. Rarely is it ever something in between. But the truth is – even where our family is concerned – most of us would just as soon not have anything to do with someone with whom we don’t get along than to put in the extra effort to make the relationship work.

Yet, too often what we don’t realize is that we are the ones who create both the ecstasy and the agony in our relationships. This is because how we perceive and respond to the actions of another plays a major role in whether or not any given relationship will be successful…or not.

 

 

Of course “success” implies different things to each of us, since generally, we all long to be loved, understood, heard and validated, albeit in different ways. Ultimately, a successful relationship depends on the ability to listen to and empathize with another. Empathy is a key factor in the majority of those relationships which are not only functional, but successful as well.

In fact, for any relationship to work well at least seven essential ingredients are necessary: communication, honesty, trust, empathy, compromise, compassion and love. Without these, our relationships stand little chance of success.

 

 

These are the following seven Essential Ingredients. From my own personal experience, as well as extensive research into the areas of human psychology, sociology, emotions, interactions and sexuality, I have determined that there are seven fundamental ingredients needed to provide a stable foundation for a successful relationship. This is not to say, however, that more is not necessary, or that it may not differ from one relationship to another. Yet, generally, from what I’ve observed, these seven – at least – are essential if we wish to have a functional and long-lasting relationship. And this applies to us all – both females and males.

 

 

Communication – Communication is listed first for a very important reason: in order to even make contact with another, we must communicate our intentions. Eye contact and body language help, but because most people ignore their intuition and hence, are unable to understand and translate what they’re seeing, they often miss important clues that might tell them various things about another individual. So while communication does include eye contact and body language, the communication referred to in this instance is verbal communication. Without talking and communicating our thoughts, feelings and ideas to another, few relationships succeed.

 

 

Still, although it is necessary to communicate our thoughts and intentions in order to open a dialogue, doing so also requires truthfulness.

Honesty – For various reasons, honesty is one of the most difficult aspects of human inter-relatedness to achieve. One reason for this is because most of us want to be accepted by others. Consequently, we’re often hesitant to say what we think for fear of losing the other person’s support or acceptance, or because we don’t wish to hurt his or her feelings. Then too, sometimes, we are less than honest because we wish to protect ourselves from some (often mis-) perceived discomfort, fear or danger. But what does it mean to be honest?

 

 

Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary* states that honesty is ‘fairness and straight-forwardness of conduct,’ ‘adherence to the facts,’ ‘sincerity.’ When we are straightforward and sincere in our speech and actions towards another, the chances are that that person will respond to this in a positive rather than a negative way – even if what we have to say is not necessarily what the other person wishes to hear.

 

 

Conversely, when we are not honest, we are not only doing a disservice to others, but we also run the risk of creating more long-term – and in many cases, severe – issues for ourselves. These issues can be anything from hurt feelings when the truth does come to light (as it often tends to do eventually), to bad marriages and violent behaviour in work- and other socially-related situations because we just didn’t know how to say what we really meant (see my article, “I Love You”: How Three Little Words Can Cause so much Pain and How to Turn that Pain into Ecstasy). Therefore, being honest is an absolutely essential ingredient in a successful relationship.

 

 

Trust – ‘Trust’ has many meanings. In this context it means to ‘believe; hope; depend; to have confidence in; to do something without fear or misgiving; to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of,’ etc. This, as many of us are well aware, is not always easy to do. Further, if there are issues in our past, trust can be a difficult thing to attain; especially where another person with whose character we are not familiar is concerned.

 

 

Yet, if we wish to achieve a successful relationship we must learn to extend others the proverbial ‘benefit-of-the-doubt,’ and trust them to do what they say they’re going to do, or to entrust them with our feelings, and sometimes, even our lives. Learning to do so allow us to attain a level of connectedness in our relationships that would not be present without the ability to trust.

Empathy – is “…the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings [, and] thoughts … of another … without having the feelings, thoughts and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner…”

 

 

Etymologically, ‘empathy’ comes from the Greek empatheia, which literally means to be passionate, to experience the feelings and emotions of another. Or to put it more directly: to experience empathy for another, we must place ourselves in that other person’s figurative shoes and understand or attempt to perceive how she or he might feel in any given situation and/or circumstance. In still other words, empathy requires making the effort to understand the thoughts and feelings of another.

 

 

What I and many others have found is that, when we make that effort to empathize with another’s thoughts and feelings, and reflect that understanding back to the individual, we are far more likely to lay a solid foundation for a successful relationship. As Stephen R. Covey, empowerment guru and author of the legendary book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said, “Seek first to understand, before you seek to be understood.” Think about that for a moment: what does it truly mean to understand another? It means that we must perceive as others’ perceive, or to see an event, situation or person as another perceives that same event, situation or person. Once we perceive as another perceives and act on that perception, we are far more likely to be successful in our relationship with that individual because they will see that we are making the effort to make the relationship work.

 

 

Compromise – Aside from honesty, compromise is probably one of the next most difficult things to attain. Compromise requires accepting the fact that we all have needs, wants and desires and that we all can’t always have what we want, need or desire at any one given moment in time. Therefore, to make the relationship work, we must be willing to concede our position up to a point in order to allow the other individual to experience some degree of satisfaction in the process.

One caution here, however: this does not mean that we should become doormats by totally giving in to another’s wants or desires at the expense of our own. If not handled wisely, co-dependence (which is an issue unto itself an
d beyond the s
cope of this article) can result and can create additional issues better suited for a behavioural health specialist. The goal here is to aim for a win-win situation so that everyone can have as much of what they want, need and desire without manipulating, controlling or harming others.

 

 

Compassion – Compassion is ‘sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.’ As with the other essential ingredients, being compassionate is much easier said than done. To truly feel compassion for another requires empathizing with that individual and feeling what they feel. I would go one step further, however, and say that compassion is the act that follows the thought which is begun after we empathize with another. Applying compassion in relationships requires that we not only understand how the other person feels (empathy), but act on that understanding by following through. In other words, verbal or sometimes physical action is required to demonstrate compassion. Love – Love is, among other things: “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion …” etc. If we lack love, we won’t care one way or another how the other person feels. This holds true for all types of relationships.

 

 

Finally, in order to make these 7 essential ingredients work for you in any type of relationship endeavour on which you choose to embark, it is necessary to be balanced. Balance or moderation is paramount in anything we do; but most especially in our interactions with each other. The more balanced our relationships are, the more pleasant they will be. The more pleasant they are, the happier we will be and the longer those relationships will last. In fact, once more of us practice moderation in our lives and in our relationships with others, the sooner hatred, enmity and war will be a thing of the past.

 

 

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

 

 

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

 

 

 

Looking for ways to get your ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?

 

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback

 

 

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jun 18 '10 Love yourself First: Seven Ways to Have the Best Valentine?s Day Ever (heart-shaped Candy Boxes not Required!)

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Yardley, PA (February 2008)—Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and if you listen closely you’ll hear America heave a collective sigh of resignation (from the couples who must run out and buy obligatory gifts) and gloom (from the singles who feel like hiding sulkily under the covers). Yes, many people dread this seemingly benign holiday more than a trip to the dentist. But intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon says not to look at Valentine’s Day as an occasion for enforced “romance” or mourning for your dormant love life. Instead, think of it as a day to celebrate the existence of love itself—pure, authentic, unconditional love—and all the rich rewards it brings.

“Love really isn’t about hearts and flowers and grand romantic gestures,” says Apollon, author of Touched by the Extraordinary: An Intuitive Psychologist Shares Insights, Lessons, and True Stories of Spirit and Love to Transform and Heal the Soul (Matters of the Soul, 2005, ISBN: 0-9754036-4-8, $19.95). “It isn’t about who got who the best gift, or who has a partner and who doesn’t. Love is a way of living. And Valentine’s Day can be more than a reminder that someone loves you; it can serve as an affirmation that you are totally lovable, loving, adored, and special all year long.”

In other words, let Valentine’s Day be a day in which you focus wholeheartedly on your ability to give and receive love. You don’t need to have a spouse or romantic partner in order to do this. You can love your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, the clerk at the grocery store—anyone and everyone—but especially yourself.

Keep reading to learn how to rev up your love quotient this Valentine’s Day:

Commit to Unconditional Love: To You, From You. It may be a cliché but it is very, very true: until you love yourself you can’t fully love another person. And too many of us beat ourselves up for not being thin enough or pretty enough or smart enough—and worse, we may even use the fact that we are romantically unattached (or in a bad relationship) to validate that low opinion. This is tragic, says Apollon. Whether single or involved, it is vital that you truly understand the value of loving yourself unconditionally. Self-love is the key to achieving all other love and finding happiness in its many forms.

“There must be no conditions for loving yourself,” insists Apollon. “Being lovable and capable of loving is never about having a great body, a high-profile job, or tons of money. There are no strings attached to your adoring your whole self: body, mind, and spirit. There is only the need for you to view yourself as the exquisite miracle you really are. Allow Valentine’s Day to be a reminder of who you are. Love yourself first, because you are your most significant other.”

Get High This Valentine’s Day—High Energy, That is! If you’re wondering what love really is, Apollon says, it’s energy. Everything is energy, in fact, and love is one of the highest energies. So, when you choose to become your own priority and love yourself unconditionally, you will vibrate at an astoundingly higher energy level. The result is that you feel wonderful and life becomes a delicious adventure. Your love for yourself enables you to walk with your head held high and your heart full and healed. You’ll feel grounded, centered, and stable—and these good feelings will affect those around you.

If you’re wondering how to reach that high level of energy, Apollon says the answer is simple: do things that feel good. You might buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, for instance, or a nice pair of silk pajamas, or a day at the spa. Or place notes all around you that remind you of how loving and special you are…that you are a Beautiful Soul…and that you are loved. It may seem silly, but it works.

Breathe in Love—Not Just on Valentine’s Day, But Every Day. Apollon suggests that each morning and evening you take a few moments to focus on your breathing in and out—long, deep, relaxing breaths—with the intention of helping you shift to a higher energy. Visualize yourself breathing in loving energy from the Universe. See this flowing into every cell and feel the warm, loving impact.

“Picture the Universe, your own Soul, Higher Wisdom, God, or your angels being present for you and feel their embrace—the embrace of love,” she says. “Sit with this and really feel the amazing warm, healing energy of this embrace. It is so powerful!”

Affirm and Visualize Love. Imagine that you are a half-inflated balloon. Most of us live our day-to-day lives in this love-less state of under-inflation. Now envision your soul filling up with love. Affirm your worth several times a day by stating silently or out loud: I am love, I am lovable, and I am loving. Your love for yourself enables you to feel the powerful energy of love even in your cells. As you make your affirmations, visualize these feelings of love permeating every cell of your being. You are love, and you deserve the joy of giving and receiving pure love.

Incorporate Your Own Strengths into Your Affirmations. You are a unique creation worthy of universal energy and love. Everyone is blessed with different attributes and a great way to fill yourself up with self-love is to remind yourself of all your fabulous qualities. Practice affirmations about your own uniqueness that makes you worth loving. A few examples are: I am passionate, I am a great mother, I am ready to be loved, I give fabulous advice, and I am full of creativity.

Face, Embrace, and Replace Grief…and Practice Forgiveness. The energy of love does not mesh comfortably with the energy of anger, pain, guilt, and unresolved conflicts or issues, says Apollon. Therefore, you must release any old grievances in order to vibrate on a higher energetic plane. Valentine’s Day should bring for you a reminder that we are all here for love and that love begins first with forgiveness of yourself and others who have in the past treated you poorly. Face your negative energy and acknowledge it. When you are ready, replace old grief with love and just savor the vast difference this shift makes in your life!

If you need a mantra to help you release the pain that holds you down, Apollon suggests you say to yourself: I love myself enough to let you go now. I choose to detach from carrying you around with me, weighing me down and disabling me from moving on and having a good life. I forgive you and I forgive me. I am truly sorry but I must let you go. I surrender you to the Universe. I choose to be free of any attachments that keep me from experiencing the peace and joy to which I am entitled.

Release Your Attachment to Your Vision of Prince or Princess Charming. If you spend Valentine’s Day hoping for an engagement ring, seething with resentment that your partner forgot that you prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate, or daydreaming about that knight in shining armor who will sweep you away from your dreary life, you’re missing the whole point of love. Your attachments to an ideal only set you up for a fall when perfection fails to materialize. Remember, says Apollon, that real love (for yourself or others) doesn’t come with conditions. When you love unconditionally, you don’t need anything in return.

“We feel happy, we are lighter and unburdened when we release our expectations,” asserts Apollon. “Don’t spend Valentine’s Day hoping for roses, romance, or a note from a secret admirer. And married folks and those with partners need to realize that the person you love is not responsible for meeting your checklist of expectations for happiness. Instead put your focus on sending loving energy to everyone you know this day and every day. It will clear the metaphorical haze around you, so to speak and for the first time you will see and feel all the love you need.”

“Too many people use the fairy tale illusion of living happily-ever-after to define their inner worth,” says Apollon. “Know that true happiness can’t come to you in its many forms until you are able to accept it. Love is all around you and will manifest when you finally learn to let it permeate your spirit, by loving yourself and exuding love to everyone you know. Remember that love is what connects and sustains us all and gives life meaning. Living lovingly feels so good, and when you make the choice to do this, each day can feel like the best Valentine’s Day ever.”