Going through struggles in a relationship is not new. Every relationship goes through these little periods of tough times. After you have fought so much and argued about little things, sometimes petty, you may be asking if saving a relationship like the one you have is worth it. Perhaps, if you are married, you have already gone to marriage counseling. If you are just boyfriend and girlfriend maybe you already tried couples counseling. Next thing you know you did this work to have a better relationship but the squabbles and fights came right back. The intimacy problems have returned. Maybe in your dating life you asked around for dating tips and tried some suggestions only to find the troubles didn’t go away.
There are a few things to think about to see if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth the trouble and work. Even while the struggles continue, if you are thinking about separating or even getting a divorce, you need to take a step back and look at things even more seriously, possibly also getting more professional relationship advice. It takes a lot of work to save a relationship but it is worth it most of the time. Although it can be really frustrating if the relationship love is not really there.
A good relationship with someone is one where the two people enjoy being with each other alone and are content with just that person being with them. Try writing a list of the people you enjoy being with and see if your partner is on it? Do you still go out and have fun with your partner on occasion? Can you see yourself enjoying time alone with them most of the time?
Spend some time to evaluate what you find important in a relationship to see if the relationship is worth saving. In a good relationship both partners usually feel they are understood by the other person. Do you listen to your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, or do you routinely barely hear what they say? On the other hand does your partner seem like they are listening to you.
Is your relationship one that makes you feel comfort when you have gone through something stressful? A relationship is supposed to be a place where you can go when you need comforted. If you seem to be looking elsewhere for comfort then you may have a problem, or be causing a problem. You should not be looking to find comfort ABOUT the relationship but be finding comfort IN the relationship. Relationships like that are worth saving.
Maybe there were some infidelity problems in your relationship. Not necessarily a full blown affair but the notion that your spouse or partner seriously flirts too much. These problems need to be addressed. Both you and your partner have to be able to trust each other if the relationship is going to be worth saving. If you can’t resolve a problem like this together than you may want to seek marriage or couples counseling.
In saving a relationship you need to ask hard questions and go through hard answers. There are many things to consider and splitting up should not be taken lightly. Soon you will be able to discover if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth it.
Mark D. Jordan is a writer and researcher from Pennsylvania. Even more ways of saving a relationship and getting an ex back are at Get My Ex Back. Other important relationship information is at The Get Ex Back.com.
John works all the time and Marsha does not feel that he is around the family often enough. Marsha spends most of her time taking care of the children and John feels that she does not spend enough time with him. Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here is how to save a relationship.
First, you must make a decision of whether or not the relationship is worth saving. While just about any relationship can be salvaged through hard work, both parties must make an effort. If one of the two parties is unwilling to try to restore the relationship, then there is not a lot the other party can do.
A lot of people remain in a relationship out of convenience or stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. While the needs of the children should be of the utmost importance, that is often not enough. How to save a relationship begins with both parties making a strong commitment to saving it.
Next, you need to accurately diagnose the real problem or problems in the relationship. One major challenge with how to save a relationship is that many people think the symptoms of the problem are actually the problem itself.
For example, a common misconception by a lot of people is that an affair is actually a problem that leads to break ups. The truth is that an affair is a symptom of a much deeper problem.
An example of this is if a couple doesn’t share any true intimacy, one of the partners may seek it somewhere else. Unless the problem of the lack of intimacy is dealt with, the symptoms are likely to reappear again.
Now, maybe the spouse will be guilted into not having another affair, but they may seek to fill that need in another way, like pornography. When you address the core issues that are causing the symptoms to occur, how to save a relationship becomes much easier.
After you have diagnosed the core issues, you can begin to share your thoughts and feelings. By this I mean both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to the concerns of your partner.
Hold their hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you strongly desire to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner discusses things that have wounded you, remember that he/she is only doing it to try to restore the relationship.
After you have identified in detail the core issues that are causing the relationship to crumble, create a plan of action together to address and resolve these issues. Then, take immediate action on your plan.
If not spending enough time together is the issue, plan a night every week to go out together on a date. Come up with different creative things to do on these dates and make them memorable.
If lack of communication is the issue, make a commitment to spend a half hour together every night before bed just talking to each other. Then make sure to FOLLOW THROUGH with these commitments.
Finally, understand that how to save a relationship is a work in progress. Even the best relationships that last many decades have their challenges. Be slow to become angry and quick to forgive and you’ll have a much better shot at long-term success.
These are the general steps on how to save a relationship. If your relationship is worth saving, put these steps to action today and your relationship will be on the road to recovery.
Does your partner spend long hours working and you felt that he or she is not there for you? Do you feel your partner has spent most of the time meeting the children’ needs and tend to neglect your needs? Are you thinking whether this kind of relationship can be saved?
Step 1: Decide Whether Your Relationship Is Worth Saving?
Almost all relationship can be saved but it is a matter of hard work put in to make it work. Normally, both parties must decide whether they want to get back together because if one side opt out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is not much stuff can be done.
Most people stay in a relationship or remain in a marriage due to the children or because it is convenient. This is not enough as how to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.
Step 2: Pinpoint the Exact Problems in a Relationship
You must find out the real problems in a relationship in order to save a relationship. One of the major problems among most undesired relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.
For instance, most people think that an affair is a main problem that causes break ups. However, the affair is just a symptom of a real problem. A lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, they did not realize the main cause of the affair was actually the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. In order to save your relationship, make sure you start to handle with the core issues rather than symptoms.
Step 3: Share Your Thoughts with Your Partner
Make sure you identified the core problems behind the broken relationship and once this is done, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. This includes both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.
Step 4: Hold Your Partner’s Hand While Talking About Your Problems
Try to hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems. This tends to signal to your partner that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that may hurt you, remind yourself that he or she is not doing it purposely to hurt you. Instead, they just want to improve the relationship.
Step 5: Create an Action Plan to Solve the Problems
Once you have identified the real problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them together with your partner. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night at least once a week. Make sure the two of you take turns to come up with creative ways to spend an evening together on your favourite day of the week, e.g. Each Friday.
Step 6: Spend 20 Minutes Each Day to Talk to Each Other
If the main problem is not communicating, commit 20 minutes each day to talk to one another before going to bed. This will tend to help couples to understand one another better and at the same time relief some stress.
Step 7: Ongoing Process to Save a Relationship
Lastly, you should have realized that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward and to take one step back only. Remember to be quick at apologizing and slow to blaming. You will feel both laughter and tears while going forward and that is life. Feel it with the one you love and treasure it as memories.
Is your relationship worth saving? Find out more on how to get back together with your ex love.
Watch the video testimonial of people who managed to get your ex back at http://www.howtogetback.com/testimonials.htm and hope you will be the next one to get back together with your ex.
Javier believes that all relationships can be saved and it is a matter of how much effort is being put in. He would like to assure everyone that nothing is impossible and make sure you catch all the tips, methods and strategies in the articles, you will definitely get back with your ex lover one day.
You wake up one day and your relationship is shattered. Most of the passion that existed between the two of you is gone, and your mate tells you that they don’t love you anymore. Maybe you’ve recently separated or are in the mists of a a relationship crisis. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time, with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying, with no change. However, getting your mate to change themselves starts with you!
Step One: The Secret Principle for Removing Conflict and Hostility from a Relationship
Always agree. That’s right! Even if you still think your partner is wrong!
If you talk about where they are wrong they become more wrong, and if you talk about where they are right they immediately become less wrong. You see, most people don’t know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person while refraining from defending yourself they will actually defend you! They will not only defend you, but in many cases will actually reverse their position. Now, I don’t at all mean that you should agree to every request that your partner has and reduce your self respect to the bottomless pit of no return. I want you to agree with what they blame you for, in regard to the relationship crisis. I will admit that this is difficult, and you will be tempted to argue with and criticize your partner in an attempt to change them.
However, if you wish to save your relationship you must try and avoid this behavior by putting your emotions aside!
Your partner says, “You know I don’t love you anymore, you don’t understand me, and we never communicate.” Your initial reaction would be to defend yourself by attacking their short comings! Avoid doing this at all costs!!!! Instead, try these two simple phrases; I agree, and I understand.
Tell them that you agree, and that you understand they’ve been asking you for a change, and you haven’t given it to them!
Don’t blame them for not wanting to be in the relationship any longer. You may at first feel like your moving toward ending the relationship, but really you are getting to the root of why they feel the relationship isn’t working. They want the relationship to end because you’re always disagreeing with and trying to change them, and they have asked you for a change, but you haven’t given it to them.
Step Two: Change your Side of The Equation by overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs, Fears, and Insecurities.
When in the mists of a relationship crisis most people feel victimized and conclude that their partner is to blame. However, I have a different stance on this, which can best be exemplified by Bill Murray in the movie Ground Day. If you look closely there is a deep profound message here, for relationships. Murray the jaded weatherman is forced to step into the proverbial mud puddle day after day after day. His continued desperate attempts to break the cycle of reliving the same day again and again fail miserably, when he manipulates people and lies for his own self gratification. It is only when he begins to offer compassion, understanding and unconditional love that he got a different result. The lesson here is that nothing will change in our lives until we change from the inside out!
You see, saving your relationship does rest solely in your hands! In order to get your partner to change you must change! Take the time to do a bit of self reflection to uncover the patterns that are causing your crisis. What self limiting beliefs are sabotaging your relationship? Discover what these beliefs are and overcome them, and you hold the key to fixing your relationship! You see, these negative beliefs actually prevent you from being your true self, and the best way to have the relationship of your dreams is to be your most joyous, exquisite, loving self.
You must be your most true authentic self, bubbling over with feminine grace and the sheer jubilation in being the woman that you are. To do that you have to discover who you really are inside and what it feels like to be your true best self. This takes awakening your true self and developing your own personal power. One way to awaken your Feminine Grace is through meditation. Quieting the mind through the practice of meditation will force the ego to take a back seat and allow your feminine grace to shine through. Many woman practice ego-centered love and have yet to discover their true inner self and their gifts of feminine grace. Perhaps that’s because going inside yourself and taking a good hard look at who you really are is a difficult task. However, finding the courage to embark on this vision quest and discovering your feminine grace is well worth the effort. Not only will you shed the self limiting beliefs that have sabotaged your relationship, but you’ll be amazed at how your partner will respond to you! He won’t be able to exist without you!!!
Let’s sum up the Secret Principle, shall we?
A. Agree with your partner about the issues they blame you for, in regard to the relationship crisis. Enthusiastically see it their way. Avoid arguing, complaining and criticizing. Remove the hostility and allow them to change themselves.
B. Nothing will change in your life until you change from the inside out, and change your side of the equation! Discover your true self and your Feminine Grace. Remove the negative self limiting beliefs. Act out of unconditional love, understanding and compassion to attract the same from your partner.
The following statement of agreement is based on a relationship, which the partner blames and resents his wife for being verbally abusive, and controlling, which has caused the crisis to escalate to the point of separation.
I have been thinking about some things and I want you to know that I agree with you and I understand. I know that there have been times when I have been verbally abusive and have said things to you that I shouldn’t have. I also know that because of my own fears I have been very controlling in our relationship. Never wanting you to have any friends, and always being suspicious of where you are and what you’re doing, even though you’ve never given me a reason to feel that way. I know that you have asked me for a change and I haven’t given you one, so I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. And, I don’t blame you for wanting the separation! I just wanted to tell you that I understand.
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Best wishes,
David Roppo
Relationship Rehab for Women
America’s Relationship Coach
Awakening the possibility in every Relationship!
David founded Relationship Rehab for Women in 2002, and set out on a quest to deliver real relationship information that people can put right to work…. to make a difference!
He is known for being compassionate and understanding, and he works tirelessly for clients to help them find inner happiness and the relationship of their dreams!
David Roppo is an enthusiastic crusader of what’s possible and is driven to make the world a better place one relationship at a time!
You know, a relationship crisis is an incredibly painful and emotional experience, and it is no surprise that most women who are caught in this emotional upheaval do more to harm their relationship than help it! When a person is faced with this unfortuitous turn of events, heartbreak, frustration, and fear drive their actions, and they inadvertently destroy their relationship. The best thing you can do in a situation like this is take a step back, take a deep breath, and clear your mind! This will prevent you from harming the chance of saving your relationship!
Let’ examine the four things you shouldn’t do, then I’ll tell exactly what you should do!
1. Telling him that you’ll change to save your relationship
Reassuring him that you won’t; complain anymore, be controlling, won’t lie, be jealous, or have another affair never works. You see, all of the talking is over at this point in the crisis, and actions will have to speak louder than words. What you’re really saying when you tell him you’ve changed is; give me my way because I don’t really care what you want. This will only cause him to pull away from you and will hurt your chances of saving the relationship. You see when it comes to saving a relationship actions really do speak louder than words! If your relationship has reached a point of crisis, there isn’t anything that you can say that will turn it around. So, you may as well save your breath!
You see, your partner has been asking you for a change and you haven’t given him one! The only way to turn your relationship around is by proving that you changed, and not by saying you have. Forget about who’s right or wrong. I’m sure your partner did several things to harm the relationship, but if you want to focus on blaming him, you will destroy your relationship. There’s an old saying; “Being happy doesn’t always go along with being right!” So, do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? If you want to be happy focus on proving that you have changed and watch your partner change him self!
2. Saying that you love him to save your relationship
Telling your partner over and over again that you love him is like saying that you want something different than what he wants. He wants to pull away and you want him to come closer. There’s a reason that he is pulling away, and what you’re doing in essence is ignoring his needs. Saving a relationship is not about forcing the issue, it’s about attraction! Love is really a matter of attraction since you can’t force someone to love you, can you! You partner pulled away from you because you haven’t been fulfilling his emotional needs, and your fears and insecurities have been causing you to damage the relationship. So, telling him that you love him will only push him further away. If you want to save your relationship refrain from saying I love you at this point. Instead tell him that you agree and understand why the relationship isn’t working! That’s right, agree! I’ll show you exactly how to do this towards the bottom of this article!
3. Trying to change him to save a relationship
Plodding, pleading, and arguing with him in an attempt to get him to change never works. In fact, it is actually counterproductive to saving a relationship and is the quickest way to destroy it. Let’s get one thing perfectly straight; YOU CAN”T CHANGE HIM!! No matter how hard you try, you can’t change him, and attempting to do so will destroy your relationship. Only he can change himself! Now that you realize this critical case in point, your chances of saving your relationship just went from slim to probable!
4. Acting out of desperation to save a relationship
Desperation is not attractive to anyone, and when you say I love you please don’t leave me, what your really saying is that I have very little self-confidence. Your sending a message that you know the world is full of good looking men, but you can’t see that and you have very low self-esteem. Saving a relationship is all about showing your partner the confident woman he’s always wanted. Your partner wants a woman that makes him feel like a man. He wants a woman that displays confidence or feminine grace. When faced with infidelity in a relationship most women think their man just gave in to a moment of sexual desire, or that it’s just the way some men are. However that’s not it at all! Other than sexual addiction being involved, 99% of the time it is because his emotional needs have gone unmet. Is committing infidelity wrong? Of course it is, but if you want to save your relationship being desperate or unconfident will not help. As a matter of fact, it will destroy it.
Ok, that’s what you shouldn’t do, and now here’s what you should do!
Step back, take a deep breath and clear your mind!
Draft a statement of agreement and present it to your partner! (see example below)
Focus on renewing yourself and proving that you have changed!
The following statement of agreement is based on a relationship where the partner blames and resents his wife for being verbally abusive and controlling, which has caused the crisis to escalate to the point of separation.
Her Statement of Agreement
I have been thinking about some things and I want you to know that I agree with you and I understand. I know that there have been times when I have been verbally abusive and have said things to you that I shouldn’t have. I also know that because of my own fears I have been very controlling in our relationship. Never wanting you to have any friends, and always being suspicious of where you are and what you’re doing, even though you’ve never given me a reason to feel that way. I know that you have asked me for a change and I haven’t given you one, so I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. And, I don’t blame you for wanting the separation! I just wanted to tell you that I understand.
Give these techniques a try; you may be shocked at your partner’s reaction!
Best wishes,
David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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Relationship Rehab Gold
America’s Relationship Coach
David founded Relationship Rehab for Women in 2002, and set out on a quest to deliver real relationship information that people can put right to work…. to make a difference!
David Roppo is an enthusiastic crusader of what’s possible and is driven to make the world a better place one relationship at a time!
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