Dating and marriage is different than it was twenty years ago. In today’s society, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes
“Commitment” seems scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges,
People quit trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as
Possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone at a deeper level .For married
Couples, divorce are not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the
Outcome can be the same.
The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always
Go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to
Make it a success. Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling
Inadequate and unfulfilled .For more information logon to www.pdf-stampers.com .However, even though the odds are not very good, healthy, and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible and proven by many people. Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and Ronald Regan. What secrets do they possess? The answer is that they all work hard at their relationship. They made a decision of choosing to love their mate rather than relying on the “warm and fuzzy” feelings, which everyone knows will fade. By making love a choice you are making a decision that even in the bad times, you stick it out. Think of it like choosing a car. You pick out the make, model, year, color, and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your car for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice.
However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and make it work. It is the
Same for marriage. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to
Overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work. There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. To help get you headed in the right direction, we have chosen 101 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship. For more information logon to www.make-your-ebook-sell.com .When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little annoying things the other person does. However, after time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,” they might hear “Why are you
Wearing that shirt?” If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need
To sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place. Then together, make a commitment to start over. The truth is, both of you will have to work on this. It will not automatically be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation. Focus only on the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside. It will take some time so be patient.
Dating and marriage is different than it was twenty years ago. In today’s society, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes
“Commitment” seems scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges,
People quit trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as
Possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone at a deeper level .For married
Couples, divorce are not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the
Outcome can be the same.
The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always
Go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to
Make it a success. Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling
Inadequate and unfulfilled .For more information logon to www.pdf-stampers.com .However, even though the odds are not very good, healthy, and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible and proven by many people. Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and Ronald Regan. What secrets do they possess? The answer is that they all work hard at their relationship. They made a decision of choosing to love their mate rather than relying on the “warm and fuzzy” feelings, which everyone knows will fade. By making love a choice you are making a decision that even in the bad times, you stick it out. Think of it like choosing a car. You pick out the make, model, year, color, and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your car for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice.
However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and make it work. It is the
Same for marriage. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to
Overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work. There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. To help get you headed in the right direction, we have chosen 101 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship. For more information logon to www.make-your-ebook-sell.com .When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little annoying things the other person does. However, after time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,” they might hear “Why are you
Wearing that shirt?” If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need
To sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place. Then together, make a commitment to start over. The truth is, both of you will have to work on this. It will not automatically be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation. Focus only on the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside. It will take some time so be patient.
Have you ever wondered if what you know about Friendships is accurate? Consider the following paragraphs and compare what you know to the latest info on Friendships.
See how much you can learn about Friendships when you take a little time to read a well-researched article? Don’t miss out on the rest of this great information.
Friends are a form of relationship built on different types of love. When man and woman joins in love and relationship, intimacy labors throughout the arrangement, however in friendship a different type of intimacy exists that makes the relationship work. Friendship, as intimate relationships work with the exception that sex is not in the arrangement in some instances. Some friends join in friendship and later commit to sexual relations, thus leading to commitment or else separation.
Friendships that are long lasting usually have the ingredients to make the relationship work. Friends may cause each other agitation, frustration, or unintentional harm down the road in the relationship, yet the two will work together to make it work by finding a resolve.
Friendship is a form of commitment between two or more people, and often friends join in activities, entertainment, and communication. True friends will prove true to the end of the relationship. Friends will not interfere with each other’s life, unless the friend sees the need to address an issue that is causing the friend harm, or in the making of causing him/her harm.
True friends in love and relationships will not hold back any punches when addressing issues with friends. While the friend will not hold back any punches, he/she will use consideration of the person’s feelings and emotions when addressing issues. Friends have your back, which is a symbol of love displayed on their part, and friends that endure throughout the trials and tribulations of the relationship, show love since long-suffering and self-control are visual.
Friends in love and relationship may fight at times, but both parties will apologize for his/her part that instigated the disagreement. Friends will tell you when you are wrong, thus again not holding back any punches, while considering you.
Friends that develop into intimate relationships, often work through the arrangement regardless of the storms laid on their plates. Friendship before intimacy is smart, since the two have an overview of the others behaviors, habits, personality, skills, et cetera.
Love and relationships built on true friendship will last through habits, behaviors, personality flaws, et cetera, providing violence or repeated actions of inconsideration and disrespect is ongoing.
When mates disrespect each other, or show inconsideration ongoing, thus, the relationship will fail, since friendship, love and elements that compose love are lacking.
Disrespect expands further than most people think. Thus, learning beliefs, traditions, and standards is smart when considering love and relationships. Thus, starting out as friends will help you see through the person’s behaviors, habits and personality, what makes him or her up as a person. The makeup of the person will include an insight of standards, traditions, and beliefs.
Beliefs are tricky, since nowadays standards are lower than ever, thus beliefs are often overlying inconsistency and dishonesty. When a person has lack of evidence to support their beliefs, thus faulty thinking is underlying the mind.
Beliefs are either concrete or superficial. To convince me that a person is worth my time, the person better have some realness in light. Thus, superficial beliefs rarely stand firm, thus the person is obviously heading in the wrong direction, and thus the relationship may or may not last.
As you can see, what determines the outlook of friendship, love and relationships depends on the makeup of the persons involved?
What about compatibility, where does it play in friendship, love and relationships…
Compatibility by definition means to exist together in agreement. When two people join in agreement the relationship may or may not last, since down the road can you determine if one person’s mind will change? People live life and gain experience and wisdom along the path, thus a shallow minded person might stumble upon information that changes his/her mind forever.
Thus, incompatibility according to definition means to cause a disturbance by inconvenience and distress. While the definition illustrates a failure down the road, many relationships built on incompatibility proved enduring, since down the road minds changed when facts were gathered leading to convictions.
Thus, conviction is devastating. When you have truth, you have conviction, thus no one can argue with you…therefore, relationships can last in friendship and in love and relationships.
Take time to consider the points presented above. What you learn may help you overcome your hesitation to take action.
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When we are clear and focused within ourselves, boundaries automatically emerge and begin to move into place. In other words, boundaries are to some extent established subconsciously, as a result of mature self-love. Another dimension of boundaries requires our consciously focused attention and effort. We will look at these two levels in terms of our commitment to ourselves and to our relationships.
Picture three concentric circles. The inner circle represents commitment to self, the next ring represents the role we play in the relationship and the outer ring represents our commitment to the relationship itself. You will notice there is no mention of commitment to the other person—that’s their job.
1. COMMITMENT TO SELF
Our first priority in a relationship with another is our commitment to ourselves. This is not selfish, it’s merely practical.
Your best friend has just been in a car wreck and needs your help. You want to get there as fast as you can, but it’s a few miles away and your car’s gas tank is on empty. Do you ignore this and zoom off to the rescue? Of course not. You get some gas before making the trip. By the same token, we each need to take care of our own needs to some extent before we go about trying to give to others.
It’s really very simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, hear, feel and experience goes out in concentric spheres from your point of awareness there in the center of your world. This is not some weird idea, it’s pure rational fact.
Your self, your universe as you perceive it, is what you carry into any relationship you enter. All of your cumulative life experience, your “family baggage”, your emotional and behavioral patterns are part of what you bring.
You are responsible for what you contribute to the relationship. The other person is responsible for his or her own contribution. This means simply that you have the job of maintaining your own physical, emotional mental and spiritual health. That way you bring a healthy person into the relationship, which is a true gift to your partner.
Let’s look at some of the inner dimensions to your relationship with yourself. The physical self is closer to the surface and more observable than any of the other aspects. We share our thoughts and ideas more easily and readily than we do our emotions, so the mental self would be next.
Our emotional self goes very deep into our being and much of it is subconscious. Our emotions are more private than many of our thoughts, so we may see them as closer to the core of our being.
You might say that the spiritual self or the spiritual aspects of love are at the heart of who we are. Our spiritual feelings, experiences and beliefs are deeper and more private than perhaps any other aspect of who we are. The spiritual dimension naturally expands to include the emotional, mental and physical self as focus and development occur at this deepest level of relationship.
This is our first work in creating a healthy relationship with another. It takes two basically healthy, growing people to make a healthy relationship.
2. COMMITMENT TO ROLE
We are each responsible for the role we play in our relationships. It is a mistake to make our role totally dependent on the behavior of the other. For example, “I would be a better husband if she would only . . .” The truth is that you are responsible for the kind of husband or wife you are, no matter what your spouse may or may not do. Your role is your creation and responsibility.”
By taking charge of defining your role as husband, wife, lover, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, boss or employee, you are empowering yourself in the relationship and removing yourself from the victim position. The tricky part about this is that our basic training for these roles was in our family of origin and early childhood experience. This is one of the reasons that family-of-origin work is so important as a part of any couples or relationship counseling process.
Here are some ideas to help you clarify and take charge of the roles you play in your significant relationships:
a. Write down what you learned about the roles of wife and mother from your mother, and husband and father roles from your father. (Add any other roles you are interested in exploring, the source being your primary role model in that area.) This will give you an idea of your subconscious mind-set regarding these roles.
b. Write new definitions of these roles for yourself, using your own knowledge and goals as guidelines.
c. Next write about all the reasons you feel you cannot fulfill the ideal roles you have defined for yourself. Consider these to be some of your barriers to intimacy, and use the skills you gain in this book to overcome them.
d. Create affirmations in first person, present tense to form new attitudes and beliefs about yourself and your ability to fulfill your own ideal role in your relationships. Use your negative and self-limiting beliefs as a springboard for arriving at these new beliefs.
e. Plan specific behaviors that will help you to actualize your ideal role fulfillment.
This is a further extension of what you offer in your relationship. Your commitment is to bring into the relationship a healthy, growing individual who is further committed to being the best spouse, lover, parent or friend possible. All of this happens before even considering the influence of the other person.
3. COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP
This is where we really begin to give consideration to the thoughts, feelings and needs of the other person. We each have individual responsibility for ourselves and our roles, and we share mutual responsibility for our relationships. When our commitment follows this priority, we bring a healthy person with well-defined functional roles into the relationship. Therefore, our contribution to the relationship is the best we have to offer and we are responsible for our contribution.
There is a tremendous amount of material that could be covered under the heading of boundaries and this covers only a small part of that subject matter. The point here is that emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health automatically create a powerful basis for functional boundaries. In making your health your responsibility and your first priority of commitment in your relationship, you are taking an important step toward creating healthy boundaries.
With these steps taken, we are ready to invest all that we choose in our relationship, making healthy intimacy a very real possibility.
Imagine your relationship as a third entity in your marriage, friendship, etc. Together with your partner, invite a loving spirit (God, your higher power or the loving deity of your choice) into the relationship. Decide that your behavior toward each other is always going to be governed as if you were in the presence of a divine, loving being. Bring only the best of yourself to this sacred space of your relationship, and when bringing other aspects than your best, do so with the utmost respect and sensitivity. Treat your partner as an honored guest at all times, and together invite the honored guest of a loving spiritual presence into your relationship. This can become an ongoing meditation and/or prayer for the health and success of any relationship.
Without at some point claiming our anger and its sense of empowerment, we do not feel the strength and courage necessary to risk true intimacy, sharing our deepest feelings, thoughts and dreams. Without healthy anger, we certainly will not have healthy boundaries.
WITH HEALTHY ANGER, YOU CAN EXPECT BETTER BOUNDARIES, GREATER INTIMACY AND MORE FULFILLING, LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO HEAL YOUR ANGER NOW!
William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, speaker and president of the Institute for Personal and Professional Development. He has 37 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at www.AngerManagementResource.com.
Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very sensitive matters that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.
Building effective and lasting relationships is necessary for several reasons in the business world. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works. An effective and efficient group or organization will provide a good work culture as well as productivity for the company.
The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management or administration. An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.
People or other entities that depend on these groups or organization also suffer. Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.
Understanding the other parties’ feelings and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them. They would also feel a sense of belong in an understanding relationship.
Effective and efficient relationships require parties to express their feelings and positions openly on all matters pertinent to the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us what we need it without asking for it is not a good practice. We are human beings and we cannot read other people’s minds. So, communicating our needs and expressing our feelings will further contribute to effective and efficient relationships.
Respect is the essential key to a successful relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.
The opposite of respect is being judgmental based on unfounded facts and prejudice. Always take time to listen and request for clarification to every situation before making a final judgment. Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship and being judgmental can jeopardize the trusting and respectful connection in a relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.
Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives. Be ready to accept the differences and try to make use of the different perspectives as positive compliments to the relationship.
Work towards a win-win solution for both parties. This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. When faced with a contrasting opinion, find the best solution or compromise that would solve the problem without damaging either parties. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.
Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings at ease by effectively listening without pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other. Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly. When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.
Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one of these things found in a relationship. Also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.
Relationships are important to everyone. Addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’.
Paul Hata is active in various social and community programs.Paul has over 10 years experience in managing a multi-million dollar advertising co.Access 1000s of affordable education,healthcare and jobs here – WorldChristianPages.com and ChristianWorldPages.com
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