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Thursday, July 15th, 2010

Relationship: Ten Strategies to Improve your Relationship

Relationship Strategy No.1: Appreciate your Partners
Differences

- Due to your upbringing, family background, cultural heritage
and psychological makeup, you and your partner approach life
from completely different perspectives.

- By accepting that fact, you can begin to appreciate the value
that your partner brings to the relationship. A balanced
relationship requires Ying and Yang, the male and the female to
flourish. Differing viewpoints make for a rich and rewarding
relationship.

Relationship Strategy No.2: Understand the Nature of Love

– Has the hot, heady romantic passion subsided in your
relationship? Has the infatuation faded? Good! Now you are ready
to move on to the mature stage of love. You have moved past the
first flush of romantic love where your feelings are in a
constant flutter and your emotions are running high.

- Now you can develop a more mature and realistic approach to
your relationship. Work, family, children, friends, as well as
your relationship, are all part of a much bigger picture. This
is the natural progression and does not mean that you are no
longer in love. It just means that reality has taken over from
unrealistic expectations.

Relationship Strategy No.3: Accept Your Partners Values and
Beliefs

– Do not expect your partner to agree with everything you value
and believe.

- You can expect to fundamentally disagree about most things. If
you can accept that your partner has a different opinion to
yours, then you can agree to disagree. This need not impact on
your emotional agreement. You can still love your partner even
if you don’t agree with their opinion.

Relationship Strategy No.4: Accept that you and your partner
have conflicting interests

– You like may like pop music, your partner may like soul
music. You like football, your partner prefers tennis. You like
drama, your partner prefers comedies. You like X, your partner
prefers Y.

- Just because you have different interests does not mean that
there is anything wrong with your relationship.

- If you experience conflict and stress as a result of engaging
in activities that you don’t really like, then you should
consider giving them up.

Relationship Strategy No.5: Learn How to Argue
Constructively

– Disagreements arise in every relationship. This need not be a
problem.

- When you argue, keep to the issue. Do not verbally attack your
partner personally.

- Ask for time to calm down if you are emotionally upset.

- Don’t put your entire relationship on the line for the sake of
winning an argument.

- Try to achieve emotional balance after expressing your opinion.

Relationship Strategy No.6: Learn to Control Your Feelings

- Avoid attacks on the self worth of your partner during
arguments. This is potentially destructive and may not represent
how you truly feel.

- If you are emotionally out of control, it might be best to
leave the room for a while, go for a run, do some exercise or
find other ways to relieve the tension you feel.

- Avoid saying things in the heat of the moment that you might
regret later when you have clamed down.

Relationship Strategy No.7: Remember to Maintain an Intimate
Relationship

- It is so easy to drift into lazy habits. Watching T.V. late
into the night so that you are too tired for intimacy.
Overeating or over drinking so that you are incapable of quality
time together. Allowing yourself to get out of condition or
becoming slovenly in your habits. These all impact on sexual
desire and performance.

- Recapture some of the romance of courtship with flowers,
candlelight and dinners for two. Rekindle the flame of sexual
desire by taking the time to be intimate. Maintain the physical
comfort of touching, caressing and holding hands.

Relationship Strategy No.8: Accept your Partners
Weaknesses

- Your partner may be less than perfect but then so are you.
Accept your partner’s weaknesses. If they were perfect then they
wouldn’t need you, would they?

- Focus on your partner’s strengths. Make a list of all the
things you like about them and concentrate your attention on
those.

- Providing your partner’s behaviour is not abusive or
destructive then you can learn to overlook it and learn to
compensate for them. Remember you are two halves of one whole.

Relationship Strategy No.9: Accept the Unique Qualities of
your Relationship

- Every relationship is different. What you accept in your
relationship others may think is objectionable. What you think
is objectionable in the relationship of others, they may think
is tolerable.

- Just be yourselves and find your own level of acceptable
behaviour within your relationship. Do not allow yourselves to
be judged by anyone else’s so-called standards of acceptable
behaviour.

- Everyone expresses love in their own unique way. The
underlying feelings are genuine and real, however they are
expressed.

Relationship Strategy No.10: Accept Responsibility for the
Relationship

- If you want the relationship to change then start by changing
your own behaviour or attitudes.

- You cannot expect your partner to change just because you are
unhappy about their behaviour or their attitudes.

- Accept the responsibility of changing your own approach, use
new techniques, adopt new strategies.

Alan Moreton is an International speaker, writer, editor and
businessman. Article reproduction permission is hereby granted
providing the article is republished in its entirety, with
author’s information and any links intact. Copyright 2005 by
Alan Moreton

Mastermind Strategies for Personal and Business Development

Tags: Improve, relationship, Strategies

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Sunday, July 11th, 2010

How to Improve your Interpersonal Relationships

Very few of us never have contact with the outside world or other people, and as a result, there is a relationship that is created whenever we interact with someone else. As time goes on, that relationship can remain stagnant, or as in the case of a love or dating relationship, that relationship can grow and flourish. But the real key to any meaningful relationship is effective communication between two people. That statement is every bit as true for interpersonal relationships as it is for business relationships, and also for the marital relationship between a husband and wife.

Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today’s world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn’t matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.

Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is “none or not much”, you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these “missed opportunities” to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.

Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.

Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don’t have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won’t elaborate on things you say, you won’t go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.

Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship – when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of “shopping somewhere else” is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.

Take care of your relationships and understand how you can improve them on a regular basis, and those relationships can grow and flourish over time, where you can gain comfort during the dark times and share your joys in the good times.

Jon is a computer engineer who maintains web sites on a variety of topics based on his knowledge and experience. You can read more about Relationship Advice at his web site at Relationship Advice.

Tags: Improve, Interpersonal, relationships

Posted in Marriage | No Comments »

Saturday, July 10th, 2010

How to Improve & Define your Relationships

Everyone has relationships with anyone they interact with, even briefly. It might be the clerk at the grocery store or the gas station attendant, or it might be your significant other. Have you ever given any significant thought to the type of relationships that you have with these people, or how to improve that relationship if it is not up to the level that you desire?

First of all, you need to determine how you appear to those people. Try to put yourself in their position and look at yourself in the environment where they would typically see you and interact with you. What type of person would they describe you to be? Would they think you are sour on life and always negative? Would they think you are full of life and energy and always upbeat? The image that you portray to them will speak volumes about the type of relationship you have with them.

More importantly, how is your relationship with the people in your life who are most important to you? If you have a spouse or significant other, the same rules and logic apply – how do you appear to them? Do they see you as typically grumpy, tired, and sour on life in general, or do they see you as the full of life, positive, and energetic person that attracted them to you in the first place? Has that relationship changed over the years? If so (and it almost certainly has over time), what steps are you taking to regain that positive outlook and mentality that got your love relationship off to a good start in the first place? If your answer to that question is “nothing”, you unfortunately are not alone according to current studies, but at the same time, be aware that the particular relationship that we are talking about is not going to get better. In fact, chances are excellent that the relationship will, in all likelihood, continue to deteriorate.

On the other hand, you may be in relationships where you do not want to be. Are you in an abusive relationship? Again, studies indicate that an abusive relationship is much more common than most people think, where some estimates indicate that an abusive relationship exists in an astounding 1 in 8 marital or spousal relationships. Note that the word “abusive” does not necessarily mean physical abuse. If physical abuse is part of your relationship, you are encouraged to report it to your local police since that is not tolerated. But it is up to YOU to report it.

But the vast majority of abusive relationships do not include physical abuse. Rather, it is the emotional and mental abuse, which can be every bit as bad. Maybe that person takes every opportunity to cut you down or belittle you, whether in your home or out in public. Maybe that person has developed some habits that they have taken up for the primary reason that they know for a fact that it bothers you. Or maybe things have gotten to the point where the two of you cannot even calmly discuss something like the weather without the discussion digressing into a shouting match about some totally unrelated topic.

In a marital relationship, both parties share the responsibility equally for the welfare and continued health of that relationship. It cannot be done by only one partner, regardless of how badly that one partner may want a healthy relationship – it is a two way street. The pitfall that many couples fall into is that the responsibility for the health of the relationship is left primarily to one partner, and although that may work in the very short term, such an arrangement is doomed to inevitable failure.

Be aware that ANY relationship you have is a two way street. You and the other person share the responsibility of the health of that relationship, as well as any compromises that either of both of you need to make for the longevity of your relationship. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how important that relationship is to BOTH of you, not either one of you individually.

Jon is a computer engineer who maintains web sites on a variety of topics based on his knowledge and experience. You can read more about Relationships Advice at his web site at Relationship Types.