Tag: cheating

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

How To Be Happy Again After Cheating And Infidelity – Advice From The Love Coach

A few years ago I happened to pass by my boyfriend’s phone when it was ringing and I saw a girl’s name appear on the screen. At 11pm. I then realised how often he took his phone with him into the bathroom or how he got text messages without spontaneously telling me who they were from. It was a painful period, and of course it turned out he had another girl in his life… Now they live together and I’m happy in my love life, but it still hurts when I’m thinking of it. The fighting, worrying, wondering. The lies.

Me and the guy broke up and moved on, but sometimes infidelity is just an interruption in an otherwise happy relationship. It’s most times hard or impossible to justify or understand, but if the life you have together is larger than a drunken incident or a moment of inhibitions, you might give love a chance.

Some advice, if you want to save your marriage or relationship, are:

-      Cheating is external: See the cheating as a big black demon coming into your relationship. It doesn’t matter who was responsible for the act; both of you are hurt and damaged; one is feeling betrayed and the other ashamed. But the problem is best treated if it’s seen as something outside of the relationship that both of you have to fight off, move on from and leave it behind.

-      No blame game: If you don’t see the cheating as a shared problem, the post cheating phase can easily turn into a blame game where you play “victim and criminal”. If you keep on dwelling the past, you will be trapped in the negative emotions and memories. If you spend your time and energy finding ways to be happy from now on, it will be easier to move on.

-      How to move on? This means it is important that you don’t try to find answers or explanations for what happened if there are no rational reasons. Human beings are not always acting smart and we don’t always act according to our values. Sometimes we get carried away and loose control. Only look at the answer to the question “why did it happen?” if you also answer “How can we prevent it from happening again? Accept that the dark demon came in to your life and that you want a brighter future. The good guys win.

-      A new promise: Trust is the key to move on. You need to promise each other that you want to be together full on. You want to love and be loved. You want to be a team – strong and happy together. Tell your partner what you like about your relationship and listen to them. Trust doesn’t come from “I will never do this again”, but from “I want to love YOU and create a good life together”. Cheating and infidelity is very selfish. It can’t be justified. The cheater hurts other people, and if you have children you betray them too. But if you and your spouse seriously want to fix things between you, you seriously have to let go of the past. Create a new contract between you. Sit down, hug and kiss, and make promises and plans around these areas:

-      What will make you feel loved?

-      How can I make you happy?

-      What can I do in my life or my own personal development to make our relationship happier?

-      Can we spend more time together, give more compliments, have more sex, go out more with friends etc…?

As a love coach I prefer to give you some more questions, rather than giving advice. The best advice comes from within you. When you are aware of your feelings and understand the situation, you will know what to do.

-      Can I choose to trust my loved one?

-      What do I need (words, promises, attitude, new routines) to be able to trust my partner?

-      Can I get that?

-      If I can’t get it, can I still trust?

-      What does my partner need from me to feel happy in the relationship?

Bitterness and grief is a choice. Happiness and moving on is another. It’s up to you. Yes, it is that easy.

More on: http://infidelitycheatingadvice.blogspot.com

My name is Carolin Dahlman and I am a love coach and author, helping you find love or fix your relationship. I guide you to know yourself better, set and reach goals, find motivation, get a great attitude and be happy. I am your personal trainer in love life. I coach people all over the world through Skype; contact me if you want guidance! I will advice on: love, singles, dating, personal development, life, happiness, marriage, relationships etc.Visit www.coaching2love.com for more info. Also sign up for my WEEKLY LOVE LETTER. Email: info@coaching2love.com

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Friday, November 20th, 2009

Jealousy

Jealousy – it pertains to being jealous of someone. Often, jealousy maybe with siblings, friends, classmates, everyone else and even strangers. Some get jealous of people who are famous or well known. And lastly, jealousy plays a part in a relationship.

Is jealousy bad or good?

Sometimes, jealousy can do good. When you are jealous of the top student in your class, it can result for you to study harder to beat him or her. It can be a way for a person to improve, to change for the better. However, in some cases, especially with couples – Jealousy causes a lot of trouble.

In some stories, sometimes the lead character being jealous of his or her leading lady may sometimes be part of the story or to what they call the “twist” of the story. The girl gets courted by another guy because the leading guy is too shy to express his feelings, but because of that the guy changes and tries to win the girl’s heart. After that, everything goes on well and with a happy ending. But, in the real world this doesn’t happen that much.

That is, because admit it or not, if you are in a relationship and you’ve had other relationships before with other guys or girls – the tendency is that your current lover will get jealous. And sometimes, it gets hard for you to please him or her because it can get tiring.

Other times, one of the couple may want to feel being owned and try flirting with another girl or guy – but in the end get a bad result of losing trust and endless fights every night.

And lastly, just because you start to admire another girl or guy, and joke around how much she/he looks good – your partner feels useless to the point he wants to break up.

…and I know there are other more than these. Whatever they are, I wish something for every one having this problem in their relationships.

Seriously, STOP JEALOUSY. It will only breaks your heart.

Seriously, STOP JEALOUSY. It will only break your heart.

It’s okay to jealous, but too much isn’t healthy

for a relationship anymore.

Because sometimes, it makes your partner feel as if you don’t give trust.

It makes him or her feel, you don’t feel the love they give

or see the efforts they do for you.

Do not judge what you see, try to ask your girl or boyfriend who are the people she or he talks to – sometimes by mistake, we get wrong ideas right? What if that guy you told her you saw was just a friend of his? And in some cases, what if it’s even one of her relatives?

Observe first, listen. You can only say a person is cheating on you when you feel as if he is not missing you, he is not calling you or he doesn’t care at all. If he does do that, an explanation would be great before you start reacting violently.

And if what you suspect is correct, do not be mad but try to look at yourself first.

Have I done something wrong so she doesn’t like me anymore?

Have I been a bad boy/girlfriend?

Am I not good enough?

But of course, if you feel as if the guy or girl is cheating on you

without no reason – that’s the time to dump the person.


Because relationships of such will just end nowhere.

It just doesn’t mean that while in a relationship it’s okay to be jealous because of simple jokes, and some excuses. Sometimes, we should try to see if their reasons are actually valid. Sometimes, it’s better we trust because in the end, if they do try to cheat us, IT IS NOT OUR LOSS. It is theirs because we gave our best, and we could have been the best if they didn’t cheated.

Remember this quote from the Bible?

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude
Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away;
as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away
For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;
but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away..

From: Corinthians

True love doesn’t fade, true love doesn’t end

and true love will always believe and never have doubts.

Just like how we should love God.

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