Aug 07 '10 Personal and Leadership Development Through Relationship Building

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The fundamental characteristics of personal and leadership development stem from the understanding of ethics, honesty and sincerity. Identifying and embellishing on the proactive behavior models of integrity and the commitment of Relationship building is at the core of starting on the positive track of a relationship. Before one can become a leader one must work on the self development process. Though the self development process is a lifelong journey of learning it is important to keep in mind the process of taking action on the self improvement models in personal distinctive behavior. Conveying the message of trust in relationship building with business associates, friends, relatives or social networking groups is at the very center of relationship building. Being cognizant of factors that have exploiting tendencies are relationship variables that necessitate discussion with all parties of interest.

 If relationship building were in the field of law it would be within the study of contracts rather than in Torts. As relationship building calls for many; verbs, nouns and pronouns that are so often seen in the same language category as in contracts; such as: agreement, acceptance a breach and understanding of an acceptance. In a strong relationship these elements require the bonding effects of an agreed upon contract with an acceptance.  In relationship building the elements of interest typically drive the relationship. There is the concept of appreciation and the value element of a relationship which seeks for the outcome of mutual interest with mutual respect for all parties involved in a relationship.

Leadership comes in to play when the personal aspects of a behavior mode go from personal development to leadership development; always coming in mind that the intended outcome is to establish a lasting relationship. Impairment of personal and professional judgment is perhaps the most complex variable in human behavior. It requires understanding, patience and a sincere interactive dialogue between individuals for the purpose of relationship problems solving models which lead to productive prudent and appreciative relationship outcomes.  The primary and central point in the personal and leadership relationships – need. Needs and meeting the needs of peoples desire will be what truly drives a relationship. Without need relationship is practically non-existent.

Jul 09 '10 Sacred Love – Building Relationships That Last

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There comes a point in every person’s life when they no longer want to be in just any relationship. They are wanting to be the one relationship that will last; the one that will end in marriage and a happily ever-after type scenario. This type of relationship just doesn’t happen, though. This type of relationship is something that has to be built. So, how does a person build a relationship that will last? Read on to find out.

Relationships are complex. They involve more than simply getting along with each other, having a physical attraction and having things in common. Relationships consist of many different layers. You have the responsibility to grow and nurture relationships or else they will fail.

Building relationships that last involves understanding the keys to a healthy relationship and what part you play in making sure the relationship lasts. The bottom line is that relationships take work and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.

For a lasting relationship you have to constantly be mindful of the state of your relationship. You have to be responsible and act in ways that show you are respectful and mindful of the other person.

Another thing about relationships is you have to accept them. Relationships change and grow. They are not always going to be everything you want them to be. You have to learn to accept the faults with the good. You cannot place too high of expectations on a relationship or the other person in your relationship. Too high expectations is a sure sign disaster is on the way.

A lasting relationship is one of happiness, acceptance and giving. You have to learn to not be so selfish in a relationship. You have to be able to show the other person you still care about them. It is quite easy to let love die or to simply give up on a relationship. People are too quick to place blame in these situations. The reality is that it takes two people to build love and keep it alive.

A lasting relationship is a real possibility when both people are committed to it. When both people understand what it takes to make their relationship a success, they can keep it alive and well. It takes two people to make a relationship and without the combined efforts of both people a relationship is never going to last.

Building relationships that last is something anyone can do. If two people are serious about their relationship and committed to each other then there is no reason why they can not build a lasting relationship and finally find that sacred love we all are searching for in life.

Jul 08 '10 Building Healthy Boundaries: How to Create Healthy, Lasting Fulfilling Relationships

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When we are clear and focused within ourselves, boundaries automatically emerge and begin to move into place. In other words, boundaries are to some extent established subconsciously, as a result of mature self-love. Another dimension of boundaries requires our consciously focused attention and effort. We will look at these two levels in terms of our commitment to ourselves and to our relationships.

Picture three concentric circles. The inner circle represents commitment to self, the next ring represents the role we play in the relationship and the outer ring represents our commitment to the relationship itself. You will notice there is no mention of commitment to the other person—that’s their job.

1. COMMITMENT TO SELF

Our first priority in a relationship with another is our commitment to ourselves. This is not selfish, it’s merely practical.

Your best friend has just been in a car wreck and needs your help. You want to get there as fast as you can, but it’s a few miles away and your car’s gas tank is on empty. Do you ignore this and zoom off to the rescue? Of course not. You get some gas before making the trip. By the same token, we each need to take care of our own needs to some extent before we go about trying to give to others.
It’s really very simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, hear, feel and experience goes out in concentric spheres from your point of awareness there in the center of your world. This is not some weird idea, it’s pure rational fact.

Your self, your universe as you perceive it, is what you carry into any relationship you enter. All of your cumulative life experience, your “family baggage”, your emotional and behavioral patterns are part of what you bring.

You are responsible for what you contribute to the relationship. The other person is responsible for his or her own contribution. This means simply that you have the job of maintaining your own physical, emotional mental and spiritual health. That way you bring a healthy person into the relationship, which is a true gift to your partner.
Let’s look at some of the inner dimensions to your relationship with yourself. The physical self is closer to the surface and more observable than any of the other aspects. We share our thoughts and ideas more easily and readily than we do our emotions, so the mental self would be next.

Our emotional self goes very deep into our being and much of it is subconscious. Our emotions are more private than many of our thoughts, so we may see them as closer to the core of our being.

You might say that the spiritual self or the spiritual aspects of love are at the heart of who we are. Our spiritual feelings, experiences and beliefs are deeper and more private than perhaps any other aspect of who we are. The spiritual dimension naturally expands to include the emotional, mental and physical self as focus and development occur at this deepest level of relationship.
This is our first work in creating a healthy relationship with another. It takes two basically healthy, growing people to make a healthy relationship.

2. COMMITMENT TO ROLE

We are each responsible for the role we play in our relationships. It is a mistake to make our role totally dependent on the behavior of the other. For example, “I would be a better husband if she would only . . .” The truth is that you are responsible for the kind of husband or wife you are, no matter what your spouse may or may not do. Your role is your creation and responsibility.”

By taking charge of defining your role as husband, wife, lover, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, boss or employee, you are empowering yourself in the relationship and removing yourself from the victim position. The tricky part about this is that our basic training for these roles was in our family of origin and early childhood experience. This is one of the reasons that family-of-origin work is so important as a part of any couples or relationship counseling process.

Here are some ideas to help you clarify and take charge of the roles you play in your significant relationships:

a. Write down what you learned about the roles of wife and mother from your mother, and husband and father roles from your father. (Add any other roles you are interested in exploring, the source being your primary role model in that area.) This will give you an idea of your subconscious mind-set regarding these roles.
b. Write new definitions of these roles for yourself, using your own knowledge and goals as guidelines.
c. Next write about all the reasons you feel you cannot fulfill the ideal roles you have defined for yourself. Consider these to be some of your barriers to intimacy, and use the skills you gain in this book to overcome them.
d. Create affirmations in first person, present tense to form new attitudes and beliefs about yourself and your ability to fulfill your own ideal role in your relationships. Use your negative and self-limiting beliefs as a springboard for arriving at these new beliefs.
e. Plan specific behaviors that will help you to actualize your ideal role fulfillment.
This is a further extension of what you offer in your relationship. Your commitment is to bring into the relationship a healthy, growing individual who is further committed to being the best spouse, lover, parent or friend possible. All of this happens before even considering the influence of the other person.

3. COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP

This is where we really begin to give consideration to the thoughts, feelings and needs of the other person. We each have individual responsibility for ourselves and our roles, and we share mutual responsibility for our relationships. When our commitment follows this priority, we bring a healthy person with well-defined functional roles into the relationship. Therefore, our contribution to the relationship is the best we have to offer and we are responsible for our contribution.

There is a tremendous amount of material that could be covered under the heading of boundaries and this covers only a small part of that subject matter. The point here is that emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health automatically create a powerful basis for functional boundaries. In making your health your responsibility and your first priority of commitment in your relationship, you are taking an important step toward creating healthy boundaries.

With these steps taken, we are ready to invest all that we choose in our relationship, making healthy intimacy a very real possibility.
Imagine your relationship as a third entity in your marriage, friendship, etc. Together with your partner, invite a loving spirit (God, your higher power or the loving deity of your choice) into the relationship. Decide that your behavior toward each other is always going to be governed as if you were in the presence of a divine, loving being. Bring only the best of yourself to this sacred space of your relationship, and when bringing other aspects than your best, do so with the utmost respect and sensitivity. Treat your partner as an honored guest at all times, and together invite the honored guest of a loving spiritual presence into your relationship. This can become an ongoing meditation and/or prayer for the health and success of any relationship.

Without at some point claiming our anger and its sense of empowerment, we do not feel the strength and courage necessary to risk true intimacy, sharing our deepest feelings, thoughts and dreams. Without healthy anger, we certainly will not have healthy boundaries.

WITH HEALTHY ANGER, YOU CAN EXPECT BETTER BOUNDARIES, GREATER INTIMACY AND MORE FULFILLING, LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO HEAL YOUR ANGER NOW!

Jun 26 '10 Building a Healthy Relationship – How to Have a Richer, Fuller, More Satisfying Life Experience

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Building a healthy relationship is such a worthy goal to have. So many people simply drift through life and the experience of their relationship suffers as a consequence.

 

 

 

They can be like two strangers living together, simply going through the motions of daily activity, without any real connection between themselves, and lacking any elements of a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

This can mean, a couple get together, and before they know it, they have children. Given the time and effort required to raise children, this is their priority.

 

 

 

Building a healthy relationship does not even come into the equation. Children grow up and leave home, and couples end up in the empty nest position where they wonder what to do with themselves, living in an unhappy marriage. There is no indication of any traits of a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

Before long grandchildren fill the gap. This is now their focus and life goes on in an accustomed manner, and any signs of a healthy relationship are non existent.

 

 

 

It is easy to identify people in this situation, especially as they get older. They are the ones you see in restaurants or cafes, sitting opposite each other with barely a word being said between them. They look lost and lonely.

 

 

 

Whereas when people have building a healthy relationship as their goal, their experience of life is totally different. It means this is their priority, everything else fits in around them. They see each other as someone special.

 

It means couples make time for each other, they do not allow the distractions of life, such as work and having children, take precedence over this primary concern.

 

 

 

They always communicate, knowing how the other is feeling and managing their life. They have meals together, and organize having special moments, such as going to the movies or the theater, and having time away together. They have a very healthy relationship.

 

 

 

Building a healthy relationship also means each person has total respect for the other. There is no place for nastiness, aggravation or resentment in such an arrangement.

 

 

 

These latter traits, are some of the characteristics of unhealthy relationships, that eat away at people, and can literally lead to ill health.

 

 

 

Not only that, people can just feel so awful generally, and many people get stuck in these situations as patterns are established,and they end up in an unhappy marriage.

 

 

 

It can make their experience of life very depressing. In my view life is too short to remain in such circumstances, especially when there are opportunities for building a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

They don’t know, or realize, they do have a choice. They don’t have to stay in these types of relationships. Alternatively they could see a professional to help them make the changes required to have the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

If a couple were to do that, it is crucial they be clear about their motivation in order for there to be any satisfactory outcome.

 

 

 

Other aspects of building a healthy relationship include acknowledging each person in the relationship is of equal status.

 

 

 

This means there is no one in charge in the relationship. It is a partnership between two equals. I realize there will be some who will disagree with this view based on beliefs you may have, according to your understanding of scripture, or whatever.

 

 

 

When I shared this view with a group of Mormons I was asked to give a talk to, I got a standing ovation in response.

 

 

 

When each person holds the same status, it follows there is no longer any room for set roles in the relationship, which is usually to the woman’s disadvantage with no signs of a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

Now the building of a healthy relationship is demonstrated by each person sharing in the domestic and parental responsibilities.

 

 

 

No longer, when men are involved in these activities, is it viewed as helping, which has an inference that it is the man helping the woman do what is viewed as her responsibility.

 

 

 

I’m sure you will agree with me, when we talk about building a healthy relationship in this way, it makes such a difference to how we all can experience life.

 

 

 

This is to everyone’s advantage. It is a true win/win. This leads to us all having a more satisfying, richer and fulfilling life.