You know, a relationship crisis is an incredibly painful and emotional experience, and it is no surprise that most women who are caught in this emotional upheaval do more to harm their relationship than help it! When a person is faced with this unfortuitous turn of events, heartbreak, frustration, and fear drive their actions, and they inadvertently destroy their relationship. The best thing you can do in a situation like this is take a step back, take a deep breath, and clear your mind! This will prevent you from harming the chance of saving your relationship!
Let’ examine the four things you shouldn’t do, then I’ll tell exactly what you should do!
1. Telling him that you’ll change to save your relationship
Reassuring him that you won’t; complain anymore, be controlling, won’t lie, be jealous, or have another affair never works. You see, all of the talking is over at this point in the crisis, and actions will have to speak louder than words. What you’re really saying when you tell him you’ve changed is; give me my way because I don’t really care what you want. This will only cause him to pull away from you and will hurt your chances of saving the relationship. You see when it comes to saving a relationship actions really do speak louder than words! If your relationship has reached a point of crisis, there isn’t anything that you can say that will turn it around. So, you may as well save your breath!
You see, your partner has been asking you for a change and you haven’t given him one! The only way to turn your relationship around is by proving that you changed, and not by saying you have. Forget about who’s right or wrong. I’m sure your partner did several things to harm the relationship, but if you want to focus on blaming him, you will destroy your relationship. There’s an old saying; “Being happy doesn’t always go along with being right!” So, do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? If you want to be happy focus on proving that you have changed and watch your partner change him self!
2. Saying that you love him to save your relationship
Telling your partner over and over again that you love him is like saying that you want something different than what he wants. He wants to pull away and you want him to come closer. There’s a reason that he is pulling away, and what you’re doing in essence is ignoring his needs. Saving a relationship is not about forcing the issue, it’s about attraction! Love is really a matter of attraction since you can’t force someone to love you, can you! You partner pulled away from you because you haven’t been fulfilling his emotional needs, and your fears and insecurities have been causing you to damage the relationship. So, telling him that you love him will only push him further away. If you want to save your relationship refrain from saying I love you at this point. Instead tell him that you agree and understand why the relationship isn’t working! That’s right, agree! I’ll show you exactly how to do this towards the bottom of this article!
3. Trying to change him to save a relationship
Plodding, pleading, and arguing with him in an attempt to get him to change never works. In fact, it is actually counterproductive to saving a relationship and is the quickest way to destroy it. Let’s get one thing perfectly straight; YOU CAN”T CHANGE HIM!! No matter how hard you try, you can’t change him, and attempting to do so will destroy your relationship. Only he can change himself! Now that you realize this critical case in point, your chances of saving your relationship just went from slim to probable!
4. Acting out of desperation to save a relationship
Desperation is not attractive to anyone, and when you say I love you please don’t leave me, what your really saying is that I have very little self-confidence. Your sending a message that you know the world is full of good looking men, but you can’t see that and you have very low self-esteem. Saving a relationship is all about showing your partner the confident woman he’s always wanted. Your partner wants a woman that makes him feel like a man. He wants a woman that displays confidence or feminine grace. When faced with infidelity in a relationship most women think their man just gave in to a moment of sexual desire, or that it’s just the way some men are. However that’s not it at all! Other than sexual addiction being involved, 99% of the time it is because his emotional needs have gone unmet. Is committing infidelity wrong? Of course it is, but if you want to save your relationship being desperate or unconfident will not help. As a matter of fact, it will destroy it.
Ok, that’s what you shouldn’t do, and now here’s what you should do!
Step back, take a deep breath and clear your mind!
Draft a statement of agreement and present it to your partner! (see example below)
Focus on renewing yourself and proving that you have changed!
The following statement of agreement is based on a relationship where the partner blames and resents his wife for being verbally abusive and controlling, which has caused the crisis to escalate to the point of separation.
Her Statement of Agreement
I have been thinking about some things and I want you to know that I agree with you and I understand. I know that there have been times when I have been verbally abusive and have said things to you that I shouldn’t have. I also know that because of my own fears I have been very controlling in our relationship. Never wanting you to have any friends, and always being suspicious of where you are and what you’re doing, even though you’ve never given me a reason to feel that way. I know that you have asked me for a change and I haven’t given you one, so I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. And, I don’t blame you for wanting the separation! I just wanted to tell you that I understand.
Give these techniques a try; you may be shocked at your partner’s reaction!
Best wishes,
David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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David founded Relationship Rehab for Women in 2002, and set out on a quest to deliver real relationship information that people can put right to work…. to make a difference!
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What are the three biggest mistakes that the newly singles have made and how are they going to avoid them for the making up relationship?
Suddenly, it’s clear to you now. The relationship is over! What are you going to do now? Caution: Don’t complicate your life by beginning to date too soon after a break-up. How soon is “too soon?” That will depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. Rule of thumb: Six months or more. “Or more?” you say. Yes! Six months or more! When you cut your finger, it takes time for the wound to heal. If the sharp edge cuts to the bone, it may take longer. A thorough healing of a broken heart takes time too.
The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are things that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really are mistakes. Some of you may have made these mistakes more than once.
I know from personal experience that if you will evade these avoidable errors in judgment, ALL of your relationships will work better. The biggest mistake that newly singles make is getting involved with someone else before the hurts of the past have healed. Two closely related mistakes include not taking full responsibility for their share of the problems that caused the breakup in the first place and making sure that those issues are complete before beginning again.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result. Knowing your heart needs healing and refusing to do anything about it doesn’t help prepare you for the next relationship. It only prolongs the agony. How can you avoid these mistakes? By living solo for awhile.
Before you can successfully get involved with and have a “healthy” love relationship with someone else, you must first get involved with yourself! When it comes to analyzing yourself, don’t be an ostrich. Get your head out of the sand and take a loooooong look at what you did that may have contributed to the break-up and promise yourself that you will make some changes “prior” to your next relationship.
The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviours they did and didn’t like in their former partner. Create a “romantic résumé” that lists their positive points and what you are looking for in your next mate. It’s time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together… side by side.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date, it only means, and that when you decide to date, you must resist the urge to become intimately involved with anyone else too soon. This is easier when you date lots of people. Don’t grab the first one that comes along. Play the field. Make “having FUN” your only priority.
It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. You don’t need to expend the additional energy it will take to do that AND work on fully recovering from your last relationship at the same time. That’s just not smart. When you strain a muscle, good doctors will insist that you give it a rest if you want it to heal. That’s smart. Give a monogamous, committed relationship with someone else a rest for now.
Broken relationships take time to heal. The relationship I am talking about is the broken relationship you have with yourself. Not only must you know this, you must acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin. We seem to drift around, not knowing what to do, blaming our ex, our mother- in-law, the cat, everyone but the real culprit.
If you want to know what the problem is in your relationships, it’s very simple. Look into the mirror. There it is! You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. It’s time to take responsibility for who you are, what you do, how you think, who you date . . . everything.
The most important relationship to you right now is the one you have with you! Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority. This significant first step must occur before you can be who you need to be in another healthy love relationship with someone else. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love – the love that you will share with someone else in the future.
The problem with moving too quickly to the next relationship is that there needs to be a cooling off period; that time when you begin to look at the real problem and start making some new choices about shedding all of the baggage of the last relationship. Reinvent a healthy relationship with you! Rediscover who you are! Take some time for yourself. Feel the pain. Acknowledge it. Feel it and know that it is only and always your choice to feel that way. Then do something different! In time, as you begin to acknowledge the mistakes you have made in the past and MOST important, accept responsibility for your share of the problem that caused the breakup, the hurts of the past will begin to heal.
If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will look back in disappointment. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past.
Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is! For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. Whatever you want, wants you too. It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It’s time to forgive them so the hurt will heal. Nothing is unforgivable. That is only and always your choice too.
The hurts won’t heal until you will allow yourself to forgive. I suppose the real question is: Just how long do you want to feel the way you feel right now? If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn’t do, then you are missing the point. It’s time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are.
It will take a new discipline to do this. Can you do it? You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Broken hearts can mend. It takes time and you must do the work. You can do it! And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn’t work. It takes no strength to let go, only courage. Let the healing begin.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex
love partner
during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Can I get my ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
Category:
Marriage
Tags: Avoid, Biggest, Going, Made, Making, Mistakes, Newly, relationship, Singles, Them, They, Three
A marriage may not always be full of bliss. There are some couples that may face difficulties at certain points in their life. One should remember that there are ways to solve these problems so that you can do is to continue reading on and learn that even simple tips may do the trick in solving you marital problems.
First, you should accept that it is normal that you argue. Having arguments are not the actual marital problems since this can still be considered as normal. What you can do is to check if the fight that you are having are getting more serious and it happens more often. This is where the marital problems start. What you should do is to keep each argument fully solved and never let it be the reason for the next fights in the future. If there are unresolved issues, check them out once again and make sure that you get to the bottom of the problem and find a solution for it.
One of the proven ways to solve marital problems would be to be physically touched by your partner. This may not always mean being held in a sensual manner but this can simply mean that you and your spouse still spend time together.
Also, you should remember that each individual is different. Even the happiest couples also have differences and these differences make them happier with each other. Learn to think that the differences that you have should never be the cause of marital problems but what you can do is to enjoy what you have and try to learn from each other.
If you are already caught in a fight, you should remember to talk to your partner in a sensible manner. You should try to keep focused with the current problem at hand. If the problem is his or her time for the family, then focus in that aspect. Never allow the argument to go farther than what the real problem is. Never try to generalize as this would not make the problem disappear. Instead it will only make the situation worse and you may even end up having more problems in the end.
To know how to solve problems within your marriage, learn that giving each person space to think and to settle down. If both of you are tired of work for the whole day, arguing about certain problems would not give you the best solution for your family. Try to give each other time to relax before starting with a discussion or before coming up with a solution.
To sum up, do not forget that problems would come and go. But you should remember that there will always be a better solution other than ending the relationship that you have. As long as both of you are still willing to work things out, then a solution would not be too far to be realized. With a little more effort from both of you, a solution may be done and avoid marital problems.
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